Thursday, June 15, 2006

The Mama Gin Files Chapter 3: Georgie get marry have baby

If her present behavior is any indication, I would say that the first words out of Mama Gin's mouth, when she was an infant, were "Georgie get marry have baby."

The woman can barely say anything else. She has spent entire weeks of her life uttering only those five words.

Mama Gin is obsessed with all things sexual, and anything remotely related to "Georgie get marry have baby." During the time I've known him, Mama Gin has made the following suggestions to George:
  • Tom can marry Becky and I get a girl for you - then you both get marry have baby (Becky is George's niece)
  • Two men live together, one apartment, no good. You get marry have baby.
  • Don't spend time with your friend Linda because her husband will get mad and kill you
  • You marry Becky. Tom move out. (We're still talking about George's niece.)
  • You get marry have baby, I give you two hundred dollars.
A few weeks ago our friend Stephanie came over to have dinner in our back yard with us. Stephanie is of Korean descent, but she doesn't speak Korean, or any other Asian language.

I went into the house for a while to watch the finale of American Idol, leaving George and Stephanie to have a private chat. During a commercial break I went back outside to find Mama Gin yammering away at Stephanie, in Chinese.

"You, get marry Georgie, have baby. You live with me. My apartment good. You come inside, you look." She then took Stephanie by the hand and led her, somewhat forcefully, into her apartment. Stephanie didn't emerge for another ten minutes. She was given a tour of Mama Gin's filthy apartment, narrated entirely in Chinese.

George has tried to explain to Mama Gin numerous times that if she wants to attract girls to the house, showing them her apartment is not the way she should go about it.

If any of my lady friends with a baby would like to come visit, we'll show the baby to Mama Gin and then split the $200 with you. In fact, even if you'd just manage to borrow a baby to pull off this scam with us, we'd be game.

Stephanie with Mama Gin after the fated tour.


lulu said...

Would it have to be an Asian baby?

Coaster Punchman said...

If she's desperate enough to suggest that George marry his own niece, I think she'll take just about anything.

lulu said...

maybe put a bonnet on the cat?

Coaster Punchman said...

George's idea was to get a life sized doll, show it to Mama Gin, collect the dough and then throw the doll out the window right in front of her.

lulu said...

I love George

jin said...

I like the doll idea!


Maybe YOU could pretend to be pregnant...but show her that movie first with Schwarzenegger, "Junior".
Would she fall for it?

Coaster Punchman said...

Unfortunately, if I am anywhere near the picture she will be displeased. She hates me.

Tenacious S said...

Wanna borrow one of mine? George could pretend that he had an illegitimate child and gave it up for adoption years ago and the child just now found him. This way, you see, I could have my child back and George could produce offspring with no strings attached. I don't know what we're going to do with you. You are problematic, aren't you?