Monday, September 04, 2006

The Mama Gin Files: Georgie Crying!


Every now and again George tries some sort of reverse psychology on Mama Gin. And then he remembers that reverse psychology with a psychotic person is a labyrinth you would best not walk into.

One day Mama Gin came down to tell George about an article she read in one of her Chinese newspapers. This article told her that men who don’t get married, but who instead choose to live with other men, often get depressed and commit suicide. “See, you need get marry!”

A little while later when she came down to repeat her wisdom for about the fiftieth time in one hour, George tried the following tack with her:

“Mom, you coming down to bother me every five minutes is making me very depressed. I’m so depressed I might kill myself. I cry constantly because you won’t leave me alone. Why do you want to make me cry? Please leave me alone.”


That shut her up, and she went back upstairs. But oh, how his victory was short lived.


A few days later, when I was home alone, Mama Gin came down.

“Tom, I want talk to you. Georgie sad. He crying. Cause of you. You live here. No good. Georgie need get marry.” It was very Mrs. Swan-like, the way she said it.

“Mama Gin, I think Georgie is happy living with me. He doesn’t want to get married.”

“No, Georgie crying. He sad. You move out.”

“Well, if Georgie wanted me to move out, I would. But he doesn’t want me to. He likes it with me here.”

“But I want Georgie get MARRY!” She was losing her Mrs. Swan-like casual tone.

“Well, I understand that you want Georgie to get married. But Georgie doesn’t want to get married. He’s happy with me.”

“But Georgie CRYING!”

“Well, I think he cries sometimes because you bother him all the time. Just leave him alone, and he’ll stop crying.”

“No, no good, no good.” She walked back up the steps.

But of course, we had to replay the scene about thirty times before she wore herself out.


29 comments:

Dale said...

I can't wait to see the movie that gets made about your lives together. The title Coaster Punchman's World is already a winner but the casting might be an issue.

Coaster Punchman said...

In high school I was a ringer for Matt Dillon, but he's aged better. Now I'm not sure who would play me. George would get B.D. Wong.

lulu said...

You were a ringer for Matt Dillon in high school? I met you your freshman year of college and you looked like Ivan Lendl.

Echo said...

OH SNAP!

wonderturtle said...

Oh man. This must be the most amazing pad EVER.

Dale said...

As a freshman I looked just like Burgess Meredith when he was in Rocky, only more wizened.

jin said...

Ever see the film 'Tampopo'? Mama Gin reminds me of the lady that zooms around the supermarket squashing things & the guy that works there can't catch her.

Old Lady said...

Funny the different ways people express their love. Mama Gin must provide you two some comic relief.

lulu said...

That was totally not a snap. CP was cute in college and has gotten better and better looking every year since.

Poor georgie said...

Jin: Regarding the lady in Tampopo, Mamma Gin does exactly that but with the repeat mantra whispered over and over again "Georgie get marry...Georgie get marry..." My shrink would certainly go mad if I told him the truth.

OL: Comedy wasn't exactly the genre I had in mind, more like Freddy, Jason, and Mommie Dearest rolled into one and dubbed with a continuous Chinese soundtrack.

LL: The CP has many, many, many disguises.

To all: Does anyone have room for a little old chinese lady? She doesn't eat much though you mustn't expect her to do any cleaning.

Dale said...

Would she mind the leftover fumes from a lawnmower? My shed's pretty big. The only thing I'd ask is that she tie together my electrical cords during storms.

Tenacious S said...

We're full-up with crazy mother-in-laws. Sorry. We already have evasive tactics of our own in place. Fortunately for us, she lives six hours away. Although there are times that it isn't enough.

Old Lady said...

Are you sure it's not more like Renfro, he-he, he-he, he-he.

Beth said...

Now THIS is a video I would love to watch ...

Coaster Punchman said...

Echo & Lu: Actually, people in high school said Ivan more often than Matt. I stand corrected. And what does "Oh Snap" mean? Is that like the card game?

WT: Our pad, while it may not be amazing, is definitely full of color. Most of it is me blushing on account of all the mental things that happen to me there.

Dale: Oh, Dale. But I like your subtle references to an earlier chapter of "The Mama Gin Files." Shows you're paying attention. You get extra credit.

Jin: I don't know about Tampopo, but Mama Gin is quite a bit like the Asian wife in "Priscilla." Ping pong balls & all.

Old lady: Mama Gin provides us a lot of things. I've never thought of it in terms of "love" or "comic relief" - but it's worth considering. And I haven't seen "Renfro" so I can't comment. Must be scary, though.

Ten-S: Maybe we should consider a temporary trade?

Beth: You give me a brilliant idea. Next time she comes down I will film her on our digicam and upload to YouTube. Stay tuned!

Echo said...

Ulu, the cameras must be kind to Mr. Lendl. In person... he was... not so much.

Memories of Mr. Lendl stick in my head the same way Nick Nolte's infamous mugshot do - yikes! I assumed you were being humorous. However, looking at photos of Mr. Lendl, I see that either my memories are faulty or he photographs better than he looks. The former is more likely. Working for peanuts will do that to you...

Reminds me of my professional wrestling work with *Miniature Wrestlers*... man, I hated those little assholes...

Coaster Punchman said...

Wrestling photos? I told you, I'm not in that business any more!

Echo said...

Worse. Television... Oy, the shit I did to put food on my table...

lulu said...

Oh Snap is like "Dude, you were just insulted" At school the kids say "treated" when someone insults someone else, or "She treated you" etc.

Echo said...

Oh, and I apologize to both you and Ulu as Ulu was clearly not taking a swipe at you. But Ulu sure *treated* me by not revealing that she was serious. By *snapping back* with "I wasn't being snarky, assface...." (See, I told you my memory was faulty!) she treated me! And I deserved it!!

I should have known by the absence of *snark markers* or *Lulu's World Famous Emphasis Markers* that she was referring to a young, handsome Ivan Lendl and not the troll on whom I had my camera trained years ago. I should just begin every comment with an apology as everything that comes out of my mouth is just disgraceful... it saves sooo much time.

Coaster Punchman said...

Well, maybe the two of you could maybe start talking like 30/40 somethings instead of teenagers? Always a thought....Nah...I still talk like a teenager too, though one from about 10 years ago. Pretty soon I'll sound like some geeky dad on a "Nick at Nite" rerun....

Coaster Punchman said...

Since George is still in bed, I'll go ahead and say it for him: "PRETTY soon?"

Echo said...

Maybe I'll offer someone a *hooker* the next time I have guests! ....not likely...

Coaster Punchman said...

I'm going to practice putting a link to Yahoo! on my blog.

Coaster Punchman said...

Wow, that was really cool. I'm getting better at this html coding thing. Maybe I'll try coding italics next. Nah, I'm going to put a link to Google now.

Coaster Punchman said...

Ok, that went well. I don't really know how to do italics, but I'm going to try. Please don't laugh at me if it doesn't work.

Coaster Punchman said...

This is cool! I love this html coding shit! CPW is going to be the coolest fucking blog on the Internets now! Woo hoo!

Coaster Punchman said...

But what about this? I just tried to do both bold and italics! I hope it worked!

Coaster Punchman said...

Woo hoo! It worked!