Although the 2007 Christmas season has already come and gone, some of my Gentle Readers have indicated to me that it's never too late for a Mama Gin Files: Christmas Edition video.
Today's installment, recorded the day Poor George and I left to visit my parents in Illinois, features Mama Gin in one of her classic OCD-laden moments of repeated Q&A.
The knowledge that we will be traveling usually puts Mama Gin into such a state of panic that she doesn't allow us one moment's peace until we are safely locked away in a taxi and en route to the airport. Therefore, Poor George always delays telling her we are leaving until hours before our departure, at which point we hunker down in preparation for dealing with Mama Gin and her anxious banter.
In today's episode Poor George has just delivered the news of our departure to Mama Gin. She stands in our doorway as we take down our Martha Stewart Snowbird Mountain Christmas tree (a cat prevention measure) and repeatedly questions us as to the times and dates of both our departure and return. There is also of course mention of the requisite "get marry have baby" directive, without which no episode of The Mama Gin Files could ever be complete.
An approximate transcript is provided to assist those of you unable to decipher Mama Gin's high pitched accent.
Mama Gin: (Chinese, and something about PG's sister Ruby not being there to help)
CP: You can call Ruby if you have a problem while we're gone.
MG: I call Ruby, Ruby all the time not answer the phone.
CP: You call her and she doesn't answer?
MG: Yeah. (In Chinese she tells George her phone is broken.)
Poor George: Your phone works. There's nothing wrong. The phone is fine, I pay the phone bills. The phone is fine.
MG: You go and what day come home?
CP: We told you, January 2nd.
CP: We come home January 2nd.
MG: What day you come home?
PG: January 2. (In Chinese, January 2)
CP: No, no, we're coming back in January, right after New Year's.
MG: January? What day?
CP: 2. January 2.
MG: January 2?
MG: New year?
CP: Yeah. That's why we're taking the tree down today. Becky's going to be staying here with the cats, and we don't want the cats to ruin the tree while she's here.
PG: Yeah, like she gets that, like she gets "ruin" anything.
MG: You have gurlfriend, get marry!
PG: (Taunting) Gurlfriend! Marry! Gurlfriend! Marry! Hee hee! Marry! Gurlfriend! No gurlfriend!
MG: You have no family! No good!
PG: (Taunting) No gurlfriend, no good!
MG: I likely you get marry! Get baby!
CP: We have two babies, they're called the kitty cats. They're really cute.
MG: Do you have a gurlfriend?
PG: Oh, would someone just tell her? I've told her so many times - WE'RE GAY!!!!!!!!
MG: I can't hear.
PG: Yeah, you couldn't hear that one, right. It's suddenly like denial hearing. (To camera): Stop that, get out of here!
CP: Well, I'm Georgie's family.
PG: I know!
CP: I'm Georgie's family.
PG: I know! That's right!
MG: I can't hear!
CP: I'll always be around to take care of Georgie.
PG: Really? (swoon)
CP: So he won't be alone. Georgie will never be alone.
PG: I know, I'm the helper monkey. (Monkey noises.)
CP: Unless he kills me.
PG: I might do that too, though.
MG: You go tomorrow or today?
CP: We're going today.
CP: We're going today.
MG: You and Georgie go today?
CP: Me and Georgie go today. We're going to see my parents for Christmas.
CP: Tonight. Ruby's coming over to take us to....
MG: Becky what time come here?
CP: Becky what time come here? I don't know, maybe tomorrow?
MG: No, tell him come here, stay here! (Becky is female by the way.)
CP: Tell Becky to come here and stay here?
MG: Tell Becky stay here!
CP: Ok, I will. Well I have to go finish packing now. Do you have anything else to tell us before we start packing again?
PG: Happy Holidays! Have gurlfriend!
MG: What time you come back?
CP: We come back January 2nd.
CP: January 2nd.
MG: January, 2nd?
MG: When you come back, you not go, right? You stay, right?
CP: No, we're going.
MG: Go again?
CP: No no no, we come back, we stay.
CP: When we come back, we stay.
PG: She's afraid we're going to come back and move to California. Would you stop that? Put that thing away!
CP: Ok, I've got to go now, I've got to finish packing.
MG: Come back, you not go, right?
CP: Yeah, I not go.
MG: You not go again?
CP: Yeah, I not go again. I'm not going again.
PG: We're going to California!
CP: Alrighty, Merry Christmas everyone, Happy New Year, Happy Holidays from Poor George and Mama Gin.
(PG accidently flings an errant Christmas ornament across the room)
CP: Oh my God!
PG: Well there goes one of those!
CP: I know, there goes an ornament he forgot to take off! This is our Martha Stewart Snowbird Christmas tree which we're taking down even though it's not even Christmas yet. Bye everybody!