Words alone are not sufficient to make you understand what we endure living with Mama Gin. Enjoy this latest episode of The Mama Gin Files wherein our squalid protagonist accuses me of stealing the deed to the house that she owns jointly with Poor George.
Several months ago Mama Gin dropped by to give George what she thought was the deed to the house. (Naturally, it was only a photocopy; George has the original in safe deposit and would never dream of leaving anything that important in Mama Gin's greasy hands.) Poor George was not home at the time, so Mama Gin handed me the deed and asked me to deliver it to him.
Mistakenly, I agreed.
About a month ago, Mama Gin started coming down at regular intervals to inquire whether I had actually delivered the deed to George. After her 80th visit or so, I got fed up with her incessant questioning and decided to return her copy of the deed to her. What follows is the result of such an ill-conceived action.
Keep in mind that this episode repeated itself for a full 30 minutes, both before and after I took the video footage.
As always, an approximate transcript is provided for your enhanced viewing pleasure.
Confidential to Beckeye: next time you tell us or anyone else how bad you feel for Mama Gin, we are sending her to live with you. Consider yourself on notice.
CP: Ok, Mama Gin is on the warpath because she thinks I stole the deed to the house. So she's pounding on the door.
MG: (POUND POUND POUND!)
MG: Tooom???!!! (RATTLE DOORKNOB RATTLE DOORKNOB)
CP: Ok. What?
MG: You give me the deed!
CP: That's the deed.
CP: Yes it is!
MG: No, this-y not, I give you the deed! Big! Long!
CP: Well, I don't know what you're talking about. Tell me what was in the envelope that you gave me.
MG: Yah, I give you in here!!!!
CP: What was in the envelope? What was in it?
MG: I give YOU!!!!
CP: That's what you gave me!
MG: No! This-y OLD OLD OLD! No good!
CP: That's not a good deed? I didn't realize you were an attorney.
MG: It say 1997!
CP: Yeah, that's when you bought the house.
MG: No!! I buy the housey not 1997!
CP: Yes you did!
MG: No! This-y not what I give you! This-y old one!
CP: There's only one deed! That's the deed!
MG: No! I give you! I saw you put inside!
CP: Well that's what he has.
MG: No, not this-y one, this-y old one!
CP: Well you're going to have to talk to George, I can't help you any more.
MG: You find it! You look it!
CP: Ok. (closes door.) Bitch. She'll be back pounding on the door. She's been pounding on the door for the past half hour. She is driving me CRAZY.
MG: (DOORKNOB RATTLE, POUND POUND)
CP: Here she goes! (opens door.) Ok, what?
MG: You look for the housey! I give YOU! You put there!
CP: That's the deed to the house.
MG: No, not this-y, small one. Big, long, heavy!
CP: Well you need to describe to me what these documents were.
MG: Papers in here!
CP: But I don't know what papers you're talking about.
MG: No, no! This-y no good! This-y old, very old, no good!
CP: Ok. (closes door.)
MG: Hey! For me!!
Work in progress
53 minutes ago