tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91411272024-03-07T15:11:48.354-05:00Coaster Punchman's WorldCOASTER PUNCHMAN'S WORLD:
Alarming my readers since 2004Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.comBlogger504125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-5495091824674408412017-11-07T17:30:00.000-05:002017-11-07T17:30:54.277-05:00A Working Vacation!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfYfZEsiv65mq9zG7kRtDEczrFh7ga0HqPU3tu6is0YO6Ox0SmHgWg11S1ek0ac3KzXDn3RY9WoA_7zFxu6-O05U8z5I3GQv7_LmxRL2ar3TXHIuvOnTJ8RAKxc5oW6zKGLTWV/s1600/work+vacation.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="185" data-original-width="272" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfYfZEsiv65mq9zG7kRtDEczrFh7ga0HqPU3tu6is0YO6Ox0SmHgWg11S1ek0ac3KzXDn3RY9WoA_7zFxu6-O05U8z5I3GQv7_LmxRL2ar3TXHIuvOnTJ8RAKxc5oW6zKGLTWV/s1600/work+vacation.jpg" /></a></div>
<span style="color: blue; font-size: large;">I</span> am so behind on both professional and personal paperwork that I actually had to take a week off just to catch up. It seems ridiculous and counterintuitive to have to use holiday time to make your work life easier - but I had no choice. When I get behind at work, more and more things keep flying at me until I'm so far underwater I can't breathe. And the only way to make it stop is just to leave. <br />
<br />
That way, I am able to focus on some fundamental tasks and complete them without other things piling up on me at the same time. <br />
<br />
I do take my mornings for myself - usually involving a long walk, breakfast, and newspaper reading (like that's supposed to relax me, but whatever) and then come home and tackle my desk.<br />
<br />
It took me the better part of yesterday just to sort papers into piles: personal receipts, work expense receipts (I still have unreimbursed cash expenses going back to March), bills to pay, things to file, other work papers, and other personal to-do items. <br />
<br />
This afternoon, after I finish babbling about it here on the blog, I will tackle my unpaid bills and work expense reports. <br />
<br />
Oh, but a colleague just called with an emergency he needs help with! In his defense, he's a gem of a guy and I did tell him he could call my personal phone if he was in a bind.<br />
<br />
It's nice to be needed. Said every dumb person ever. Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-53791687506788111112017-10-24T13:07:00.002-04:002017-10-24T13:08:50.327-04:00CP's Pretend Interview with (former) bloggers: Another visit with Lulu<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwPgd7Wgk_60HRfgZ7CLSQdOHGq2IDidzeLoIQP_AE7o3B2W8iYE_hlQGfM7DM5nLlCLYqRnYVouj7rFpjVJJLPmxWDXj3FpIjBIO_16a2yk6kvRdZcnvHZn3yGOUCmOoFgaQJ/s1600/Lu+vixen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="850" data-original-width="567" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjwPgd7Wgk_60HRfgZ7CLSQdOHGq2IDidzeLoIQP_AE7o3B2W8iYE_hlQGfM7DM5nLlCLYqRnYVouj7rFpjVJJLPmxWDXj3FpIjBIO_16a2yk6kvRdZcnvHZn3yGOUCmOoFgaQJ/s320/Lu+vixen.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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<![endif]--><span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">C</span></span><span style="font-size: small;">P</span>
recently pretended to sit down with Sri Lankan superstar Lulu again to discuss
general topics.</span><br />
<br />
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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mso-para-margin-left:0in;
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<b>Lulu</b>: Still haven’t been swept into the Indian Ocean, so
I’d say so far, so good. When are you coming for another visit? </div>
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<b>CP</b>: As soon as my travel ban has been lifted, maybe.</div>
<br />
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<b>Lulu</b>: Are they going to let you near school grounds again
any time soon? Let me know so I can warn my students.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>CP</b>: You know perfectly well those charges were dropped! And
anyway Lu, that was a low blow. Inappropriate talk for my blog.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Lulu</b>: You’re the one writing this. Blame yourself.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>CP</b>: Fine. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Lulu</b>: Why are you still fake-interviewing me? Don’t you have
other former blog friends to annoy with this? And why do I still sound like a
bitch? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>CP</b>: Maybe your voice is the only one I’ve been able to find.
I don’t know how other, normal people are supposed to sound during a
conversation with me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Lulu</b>: Don’t you ever talk to anyone else?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>CP</b>: On occasion. It’s just that I like to relive every
conversation I’ve ever had with you. You make me laugh.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Lulu</b>: Because I’m a bitch? God CP, you are predictable. “Any
bitch with a drug habit and she’s yours.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>CP</b>: You’re the one who aspires to Eddie Monsoon, in all ways
and in all things. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Lulu</b>: Are you planning to ask anything remotely resembling
an interview question here? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>CP</b>: I guess not. It’s just that without Facebook I no longer
know what to do online.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Lulu</b>: Which is why you’re pestering me for music
recommendations. I think I’ll make you wait, because I can.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>CP</b>: I noticed. Anyway, thanks again Lu for stopping by CPW.
I’ll try to make it less dull next time. </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; line-height: 107%;">
</span>Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-51524562478092821842017-10-23T10:18:00.002-04:002017-10-23T14:52:29.249-04:00Day 6 of No Facebook<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">Y</span></span>esterday was Day 5 of No Facebook and I had things to tell you, but never got around to it. The day started with my reading a very disturbing article on social media, the article indicting the various platforms for ruining our collective ability to concentrate and work. Painful as it is to admit, I have to agree. My decreasing ability to concentrate without the almost constant need for a brain fix - the instant gratification of entertainment - was the worrisome element that, in my view, required me to logoff for 12 days. I'm hoping for a brain reset, but sadly, I think it might take more than a Facebook break to fix what is wrong with me. As my friend Forrest's pal said to him in a dramatic moment so many years ago, "you're just going to have to feel your feelings."<br />
<br />
In less troubling news, I got a ticket to see CAKE in December. I am extremely excited. I love these guys, and have never seen them live. I switched my Spotify account from "free" to "I'll give you my money" so that I could listen to all their albums, back to back, in album order (not "shuffle.") I've never understood why someone would want to "shuffle" an album. An entire music collection or genre, yes. But if you're going to listen to an album, the best thing to do is hear the tracks in the order the artist arranged them.<br />
<br />
So many good songs from these guys - or, I should say, interesting songs that I enjoy and that speak to me .<br />
<br />
I got up early to go to the doctor today, and now he's called in sick. Balls. Guess I'll go to breakfast instead, nyuk nyuk nyuk.<br />
<br />
Thank you for reading my diary. <br />
<br />Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-69770818329411502622017-10-21T14:16:00.002-04:002017-10-23T14:48:52.200-04:00Visit from Chuckie and family!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiROix0zhHSIXqm8QHrojZO5twtPFbajAQlhnwfXauJjGhKs0zDUzKiCyB44NJPmdLnjQAGfEQHykZHYNsALDiYcpfjfA-_itNN4GAcCfbNOwbZXQJhHW36Z-ployLYUgGnUENj/s1600/IMG-0580.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiROix0zhHSIXqm8QHrojZO5twtPFbajAQlhnwfXauJjGhKs0zDUzKiCyB44NJPmdLnjQAGfEQHykZHYNsALDiYcpfjfA-_itNN4GAcCfbNOwbZXQJhHW36Z-ployLYUgGnUENj/s320/IMG-0580.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">A</span></span> very pleasant end to Day 4 of No Facebook. One of my BFFs, Chuck, visited from Minnesota with husband Paige and kids Jacob and Kate. I haven't seen the kids in a number of years so it was charming to catch up with them. Jacob is adorable and very sweet, with just enough of that "I'm on the cusp of my teen years and you are all boring me" edge to keep him real. Kate interrogated me numerous times with random queries opening as "GUESS WHAT?"<br />
<br />
Chuck and Paige are terrible Facebookers, so we didn't even have to discuss the fact that I'm currently not on Facebook because they would have had no idea. Maybe that makes them *great* Facebookers then. I think I may have just blown my own mind.<br />
<br />
It's always such a treat to see Chuckles. We were inseparable our freshman year of college, and time has tested our friendship well. Or, I should say, our friendship has stood the test of time. However you want to put it, I love the guy, and love his adorable family.<br />
<br />Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-8295501617773664382017-10-20T15:18:00.001-04:002017-10-23T14:49:44.004-04:00No Facebook - Day 3<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">N</span></span>othing extraordinary to report today, except that I do miss checking in with friends. And Mindy June still hasn't called me, though she did invite me to answer questions on a meme involving naming random objects starting with the first letter of your middle name. So I guess that's the level of excitement she's experiencing.<br />
<br />
I started doing Weight Watchers over a month ago because my doctor has been on me for years to reduce. Normally I kind of poo-poo him on that because, while I know it's healthier to weigh less, I enjoy being a larger guy, and I especially enjoy(ed) eating and drinking any damn thing I want with nary a thought.<br />
<br />
However, a few health related items have come up over the past few years which reducing my weight would help. Refluxing at night, for one. Hip joints that are showing signs of strain. Noticing myself getting winded on hikes with friends over the summer. And a few other issues that being overweight doesn't help.<br />
<br />
But, unsurprisingly, the thing that made me decide to take some definitive action this time is that I was starting to move up yet another clothing size. I just don't have the time or interest in acquiring a new wardrobe right now.<br />
<br />
Normally when I need to reduce, I just cut out alcohol and sugar for a while, and that puts me down 10 lbs in a matter of weeks. But this time I wanted to do something more sustainable, because invariably I go back to my old boozy ways as soon as I make progress.<br />
<br />
I hate eating plans where you cut out entire food groups - those usually make me furious. I have had several friends tell me they like Weight Watchers because it has the most balanced eating plan of all the popular diets. I have one friend in particular who struggled with obesity for over a decade, and after he joined WW it changed his life. It's been at least five years that he's dropped the excess pounds and he seems happy maintaining it.<br />
<br />
So I signed up about six weeks ago - and I love it.<br />
<br />
I love the already noticeable health benefits. I haven't refluxed once since I started the program. My joints feel better, I'm sleeping better, and the best part: I don't feel limited or deprived in the slightest.<br />
<br />
WW makes it really easy to track what you eat and drink using an online app on your phone. Everything is assigned a point value, and you are allotted a daily point limit with extra points you can use throughout the week. (You can also set it up so that if you exercise strenuously you can trade some of that in for more food points.) It doesn't take long to figure out which foods/drinks cost you a fortune in points - so it helps you make good decisions about what food and drink is worth your while. Cheese costs you a lot, as does sugar. So, you can still have cheese and sugar - WW just helps you be mindful of the amounts you consume and helps you not go overboard. If I want to have a slice of brie, that is great. I just might want to consider skipping a second glass of wine or a piece of cake. I don't need to have every single treat with every single meal - I can do that for myself. And it's working great - for me.<br />
<br />
I realize everyone doesn't like this kind of eating management. One friend who did WW a number of years ago said she got so obsessed with counting points that she found herself thinking about food excessively. Makes sense to me, though I haven't run into that challenge. I find that if I eat a meal or snack and I enjoy it and feel full and satisfied, that is all that matters. And I can do that on this plan. Fruit is entirely free of points, so I can eat as much fruit as I like. (Another added benefit - my digestion is downright *splendid* with the increased fruit consumption. Fruit is my primary snack food now.)<br />
<br />
We'll see how far this can take me, and whether I succeed in getting to the weight that would make my doctor happy - and whether I'm able to maintain it. But for now, strangely, I'm actually enjoying eating - and subsequently needing - less. Two nights ago I treated myself to a pint of lager and I could barely finish it - I was just full and it no longer seemed appealing. Last night I had the world's largest sweet cocktail (while out with my parents) and by the time I finished it I was practically three sheets to the wind. Cheap date? Sign me up!Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-15460534211703128012017-10-19T13:36:00.001-04:002017-10-23T14:49:59.252-04:00I'm already smarter<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: large;">S</span></span>econd day of my Facebook-free life, and I can already feel my intelligence growing. Not because I'm subjected to stupidity on Facebook (I've removed most Trump supporters from my feed already) but because the time I would otherwise spend scrolling mindlessly gets put to something useful, like self-pleasure or reading print-worthy materials.<br />
<br />
This morning after my email check I read the New York Times, and then over breakfast read a chapter in an actual book.<br />
<br />
I am feeling rather disconnected, and I still have not received any of the numerous calls Mindy June promised me - but I did hear from my good friend Lex last night, who said "I called you because on Facebook you said you wanted people to call you." He's a good rule follower. I like him. <br />
<br />Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-30729269236716060302017-10-18T10:26:00.002-04:002017-10-23T14:50:26.978-04:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: x-large;"><span style="color: blue;"><b>G</b></span></span>entle Readers,<br />
<br />
Guess who's back! It's time to reignite this thing, even if I have no readers left.<br />
<br />
"Why?" you may ask yourselves. "Why, after ignoring us for four years, is CP returning?" Although I understand the question is merely rhetorical, since no one is actually reading this, I will answer. I decided to leave Facebook for a while - twelve days, to be precise.<br />
<br />
I started having the idea to take a break after Poor George and I arranged to take a short trip to celebrate our wedding anniversary on the 25th of this month. I thought "wouldn't it be fun to pretend it's 2006 and everyone didn't walk around with their faces buried in a smartphone the whole time? Wouldn't it be interesting to remember what it's like to take a trip and just be there, on the trip, with your companion, instead of communicating non-stop with an audience of (insert however many Facebook friends you have)?" So, without having informed PG of this, I decided I wouldn't Facebook during our trip.<br />
<br />
Which led me to think about the amount of Facebooking I do in general. Especially recently, with the onslaught of dramatic social phenomena such as Kneel-Gate and "Me, Too." And the associated dramas happening in the various online circles in which I've ensconced myself. The incessant, mindless scrolling on my iPhone. It was starting to feel compulsive, and compulsive behavior is something I like to avoid full-stop.<br />
<br />
I already knew, from previous attempts, that I would likely not succeed in regulating my own Facebook usage to a limited amount of time each day. I briefly considered a parental-style app where I would be able to stop myself after thirty minutes of mindless scrolling, e.g. But I decided going full-on cold turkey would be more efficient, as well as an interesting experiment. So I engaged the services of PG to change my Facebook password, vowing to remember what it was so that he could return my access to me on Halloween.<br />
<br />
A frequent victim of "phubbing" by me, PG was only too glad to comply. And voila: as of about 11 pm PDT last night, I have no access to Facebook.<br />
<br />
And now I'm here to journal the experience of my non-Facebook life.<br />
<br />
This morning was jarring. I have a specific morning routine which goes something like this:<br />
<br />
<ul>
<li>ALARM goes off</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I hit Snooze and grab my iPhone</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>I open email and briefly scroll through 50 or so commercial spam messages, occasionally opening one if it looks interesting - but otherwise just looking for anything important I might need to read. (I'd say about 3x a week I find a message I need.)</li>
</ul>
<ul>
<li>Then I open Facebook - and it's anyone's guess how long I'll hang out there. I usually scroll a few screens just to see if there's anything really interesting happening. Then I check my <i>Notifications </i>to see activity on my own posts or follow-up comments/likes on others' posts where I have left comments. And then one of my favorite parts - looking at my post memories from years past. Then, after all this, I start the mindless scrolling which often goes on for much longer than it needs to.</li>
</ul>
<br />
It's anyone's guess how long the mindless scrolling lasts. It depends on the day and on whether there's anything dramatic going on in any of the online circles I run in. If there is a big drama involving a lot of people I "know," it might go on for an hour or more and I don't actually bolt out of bed until it's an emergency and I'm about to be late for something.<br />
<br />
It was jarring not having all that occur this morning.<br />
<br />
Today I just read a few more commercial spam emails than I normally would, and then I got up and got in the shower. Got dressed, gathered my things, and got to the 5:55 am train to LA with plenty of time to spare.<br />
<br />
It's unsettling - but I think good things may happen as a result. I want to do more writing, and I want to do it without the need of the rush of immediate feedback. I'm going to resist sending links to my posts to potential readers for that reason.<br />
<br />
Stay tuned for more updates on this experience.<br />
<br />Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-21306762264330137972013-12-16T20:34:00.001-05:002013-12-16T20:34:57.602-05:00You know...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: blue;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I</span></span> just read my previous post to see if I would shrink from embarrassment and regret my strongly worded stance.<br />
<br />
I do not. I still stand by every word, including every "f*ck." <br />
<br />
Just FYI.<br />
<br />
<br />Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-52420137500666030732013-11-27T02:54:00.003-05:002013-11-27T02:58:45.323-05:00Okay bitches....<img class="rg_i" data-src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRVWgKDmBdmeXzBbKlZbuPJrr5Gn4pmsHbOwJxPA4ozvDyk1da_0A" data-sz="f" name="x7qO2xguJmp2JM:" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRVWgKDmBdmeXzBbKlZbuPJrr5Gn4pmsHbOwJxPA4ozvDyk1da_0A" style="height: 183px; margin-left: -25px; margin-right: -17px; margin-top: 0px; width: 275px;" /> <br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">O</span></span>kay bitches. Listen up.<br />
<br />
(And by "bitches" I mean those of you who are complaining in <u><i>any </i></u>way, shape or form about our so-called "Obamacare.")<br />
<br />
I know that swearing up a storm in a personal essay or blog post is at best a show of laziness and at worst a hallmark of unimaginative and unoriginal writing. But sometimes, bitches, it just fucking needs to be done.<br />
<br />
Because I am fucking sick and tired of listening to people on both sides of the aisle talk about what a "disaster" the Obamacare rollout has been.<br />
<br />
I am sick of listening to the media harp on Obama's "lies" about people being able to keep their shitty, expensive plans with minimal coverage. Boo fucking hoo. For one thing, you are taking Obama's mistaken use of the word "period" too fucking literally. Seriously, bitches. Do you have nothing better to do than split hairs about what it means to "keep your plan"? For example, can you possibly conceive of the notion that having a plan cancelled and then immediately replaced by a similar or better plan at a similar or better price could be construed as somewhere in the neighborhood of "keeping your plan"?<br />
<br />
No?<br />
<br />
Well then go fuck yourself, because I am tired listening to you bitch about your fucking little first-world problem. You have a fucking insurance plan, so go fuck yourself after you get back from your doctor's appointment. And have her prescribe you some anti-psychotics while you're there, because if you think this "problem" that this "liar" of a president caused you is a <i>bigger </i>problem than not having access to a health plan at all, you're too fucking insane and/or just plain stupid for me even to deal with.<br />
<br />
That's right. Fuck off.<br />
<br />
And those of you who have nothing better to do than complain about the buggy websites needed to sign up for "Obamacare" can go fuck yourselves even harder. That's right. And please, fuck yourselves raw, with no lube.<br />
<br />
Because guess what, bitches? IT'S A FUCKING WEBSITE. I DO NOT GIVE A <u>FUCK</u> IF THE WEBSITE IS NOT WORKING PERFECTLY.<br />
<br />
What the fuck do you think this is, people? For the first time in modern US history, we are at the cusp of joining the rest of the civilized fucking industrialized first world by guaranteeing basic healthcare to every citizen. THAT is a FUCKING BIG DEAL, bitches. If you can't look one inch beyond your little pea brains to recognize the magnitude of this achievement, go live on some fucking desert island because you don't even deserve to be here.<br />
<br />
So we're worried about the "disaster" that this rollout has been, huh? Well, bitches, try THIS on for a disaster: Say you get laid off from your job where you're making a comfortable upper middle class income, something close to six figures, or just over six figures. And you're 50. Say your Cobra runs out and you still haven't found a job, because remember, you're fucking 50. You probably carry a little more weight than is ideal, and you may have some hypertension or cholesterol issues. Or you're a cancer survivor. Or you have well managed diabetes.<br />
<br />
Without Obamacare, what the FUCK are you expecting to do if you get sick? Or get into a bad car accident? Do you think any fucking insurance company is going to sign you up for a health policy? At least one that provides any reasonable level of coverage? FUCK NO.<br />
<br />
You have a house, and some savings. Do you think that if you get cancer, or a brain injury, or anything else that will cost a million fucking dollars to treat, that you will get to <i><u>keep</u></i> that house and savings as well as get medical treatment? FUCK NO.<br />
<br />
That house and those savings will be GONE in a matter of days, bitches. And there won't be a goddamn thing you can do about it. Everything you've worked for your whole fucking adult life will be GONE, just like that. All because you got hit by some fucking uninsured drunk driver. Or an insured one, even. Or because you got cancer. Or fell down and broke your spine. Etc. etc. etc.<br />
<br />
I just don't understand you, bitches. For the first time in modern US history, we can all go to bed and sleep at night because we now know that by law we are entitled to a reasonable health plan.<br />
<br />
And that is such a fucking disaster.<br />
<br />
Oh, but wait. The website doesn't work. Fuck the whole thing. Let's just go back to the way it's been. Just make sure you have a job until the day you're eligible for Medicare. We all know from 2008-2009 how realistic THAT is.<br />
<br />
That's right, bitches. I'm done. I'm going up the river and I'm taking names.<br />
<br />
Shut the FUCK UP about Obamacare. Unless you have something nice to say.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
As everyone likes to say these days, THAT IS ALL.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-1798940492204745222013-11-08T09:30:00.000-05:002013-11-08T09:30:04.603-05:00Man, this place is depressing!<img height="393" id="irc_mi" src="http://www.ontariopics.com/p2/m/Manitoulin-Island/Deserted-house-7346.jpg" style="margin-top: 0px;" width="524" /><br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">S</span></span>o coming back to Blogger feels a bit like returning to a childhood home that has been abandoned. I was looking at the link list of blogs I used to follow, which are organized on the right side of my screen, in order by which they were last updated. Only the very few at the top have been active within the past few months. After that, there are a series of blogs on the list whose latest posts say "So long!" or "The end!" or something similarly foreboding. <br />
<br />
But I'm still going to hang out here, because I need a place to deposit the noise in my head (the music is so pretty!) However, something tells me this isn't going to be any sort of homecoming or return to the high days of blogging circa 2006. <br />
<br />
And that will have to be ok. It's a new beginning, and who knows what we may find lurking in the shadows. Hopefully it just won't be that creepy babysitter/neighbor I had as a young boy. I never cared much for his "games." <br />
<br />
I've said it before, and I'll continue to say it: I will never permanently delete or retire CPW. The blogosphere needs it. <br />
<br />
(For what, I have no idea, but it sounded like a good thing to say.)<br />
<br />
<br />Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-9177417559887090832013-11-07T09:30:00.000-05:002013-11-07T14:31:19.773-05:00CP's Pretend Interviews with Bloggers - Lulu turns the tables<img height="393" id="irc_mi" src="http://helium.lunarpages.com/%7Efunky4/pictures/lulu_f16_pic.jpg" style="margin-top: 0px;" width="334" /><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: lime;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">N</span></span>ormally around this time CP would pretend to sit down with former blogger and current West African superstar Lulu to ask her a load of embarrassing questions, but tonight we have a <i>reverse</i> format where Lulu is going to pretend to interview CP. At least that's the intention; one never knows the twists and turns these things can take.<br />
<br />
Lulu: So CP, I hear you're a little depressed these days. What is going on, and what makes you think this is appropriate fodder for a blog?<br />
<br />
CP: You mean everyone doesn't want to listen to the soothing, plaintive sounds of my ennui?<br />
<br />
Lulu: Nice word, CP - you do recall you learned that from me, don't you?<br />
<br />
CP: Well it's actually just a derivative of a French word that I learned long before I ever met you, Lu. I did learn a thing or two in my pre-Lulian existence. But you may have been one of the first in my circle to make regular use of the English version, and for that I thank you. Heartily. <br />
<br />
Lulu: Touché, CP. So you're a bit <i>off </i>these days, as a polite person might put it?<br />
<br />
CP: Yeah, I guess so. But I'm sure I'll bounce back. I'm considering taking a week off work and reorganizing my house. That's the kind of thing that can give me a lift and shock me back into reality.<br />
<br />
Lulu: I've been to reality CP, and it's no picnic. If you've found somewhere else to live for a while, you might want to just hunker down until the storm passes. Plus, this thing about you wanting to "organize" things is giving me hives.<br />
<br />
CP: Sorry Lu, I forgot that it wasn't all about me. So, what suggestions do you have for me other than to go off on a compulsive decluttering binge?<br />
<br />
Lulu: I don't know CP, this whole thing is just you pretending to be me asking you questions. But I can see your alter-ego trying to take control of the interview, so tell me whatever you'd like. Just try not to sound psychotic. This whole "reality" discussion is starting to give me the creeps.<br />
<br />
CP: You're not going to complain that I'm making you sound like a bitch again, are you?<br />
<br />
Lulu: I've given up any hope of that. So, what is next on your agenda?<br />
<br />
CP: I'm not sure. I think I'll try to slog through my emails to make sure I haven't skipped anything that would result in a fireable offense. I'll take care of my expense reports and a few other administrative duties that are several weeks late. Then I'll schedule some time out of the office so that I can declutter and try to pull it back together.<br />
<br />
Lulu: That sounds like a plan. Pretend to be me again in a few weeks and let me know how things turn out.<br />
<br />
CP: Thanks Lu. Any closing words of wisdom for me?<br />
<br />
Lulu: Post as many cat pics as possible Kiss kiss.Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-21945040752915824232013-11-06T17:24:00.001-05:002013-11-06T17:24:42.422-05:00I'm baaaack....<br />
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<span style="color: lime;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I</span></span>’ve decided to revive Coaster Punchman’s World, not that I
ever took an official reprieve.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I
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Things have gotten shaky on the family front, with my
elderly parents having a variety of health and other problems.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The stress I’ve felt from dealing with it is
now settling into a semi-debilitating depression.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not the kind of depression (yet) that keeps
me from leaving the house, but the kind that slows down, significantly, my
ability to tackle anything even remotely challenging.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The thing suffering the most is my work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am almost completely unable to concentrate, and the effort
that would be required to do the things that I know would help (exercise,
bathe, declutter my surroundings) feels overwhelming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am able to get myself out of the house for non-stressful
socializing, for which I am grateful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For the moment I’ve just lost interest in almost everything else that
requires any amount of planning or effort. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Enough whining about that for a few minutes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just wanted to get that out of my system. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Next on deck:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>some of
the quandaries of Facebook and its implications on social interactions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I read with interest the following Miss Manners submission,
and find it fascinating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People do have
different takes on Facebook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With the exception
of a few odd celebrities, I generally do not friend or accept friend requests
from people I wouldn’t care to socialize with in person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not everyone feels that way, though.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve noticed not a small number of people who
merely enjoy some of the online banter, and who want to know what people are up
to, but who otherwise don’t really want any kind of relationship to speak
of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not sure how I feel about that – but, thankfully,
decisions don’t need to be made every day on that front.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve made peace with the quandary by
interacting with people I care to interact with, and not worrying too much about
the rest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some people actively “unfriend” people they find annoying,
but I don’t see the need to do that since it’s easy enough simply to remove
someone from your newsfeed so that you are not bombarded by posts and images from
a person you’d rather not see.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Still, what I find rather problematic about Facebook is
having “friends” who live nearby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For a
while I had a policy of not friending people in my own city, since it can make
social interactions awkward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For
example, not everyone in a particular circle is always invited to every dinner
party or outing – which means it is not a good idea to post photos of local
events for fear of insulting the people who were excluded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Same goes for major events like big parties and
weddings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When these things are made
public on Facebook, it becomes obvious who is valued enough to an individual to
warrant an invitation and who is not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On
the one hand, it’s useful information to know where one stands with specific
people, but in my opinion it’s easier and certainly more convenient to do things
the old fashioned way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If Billy is
having a birthday party and Bobby is not invited, the party should simply never
be mentioned to Bobby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The kind of stuff
we (should) learn at a young age about basic manners.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Facebook complicates all of that to a
maddening degree.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On to the Miss Manners letter and reply to which I referred
earlier in this post:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dear Miss Manners:</i></b> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I joined Facebook when I had cancer, as a way
of posting my current status. I was following others’ suggestions and did not
like it for this use. I do, however, like it for other reasons. I can keep an
eye on my daughter, as well as my nieces and nephews. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
I can also reconnect with old
friends and, as a nostalgic person, I enjoy this. I also enjoy the ability to
share photographs of said friends. I befriend only people I have fond memories
of, or whom I just liked. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
But that doesn’t necessarily mean I
actually want to resume an old friendship! As a mother of young kids who works
part time and volunteers, I have a hard enough time finding time for my friends
and myself as it is. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Now an old friend in a nearby town
has befriended me. While I enjoyed her company in my 20s, the friendship ended
when I realized how badly she was an alcoholic. Still, there were things I
really enjoyed about her. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Now, 15 years later, she mentioned
on Facebook that she would like to get together. I don’t know if alcohol is
still a problem, but I just can’t extend myself that far, both in terms of
where she lives and the potential for toxicity. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
Can you think of a polite way to
tell her (or others in similar situations) that I really enjoyed hearing from
her and seeing her occasional posts, her family, etc., but that I don’t
particularly want to reconnect with her in person? Am I kidding myself about
the possibility of a polite way to convey such a message? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gentle Reader:</i></b> No, there
is no polite way to tell someone that you want to know their personal business
but don’t actually want to talk to them. This phenomenon used to be known as
gossip, and in Miss Manners’ opinion, Facebook has ruined its fun for everyone.
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in;">
When you want to avoid human
contact, the usual social rules apply. Tell her that this is an extremely busy
time for you, but that you hope to connect in the (unspecified) future. To make
it more convincing, for goodness’ sake don’t post your social life on Facebook
for awhile. </div>
Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-16018738429059403012011-08-14T15:01:00.004-04:002011-08-14T18:45:26.857-04:00Cooking for cooking's sake<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-PsoiDPXUTmR2E7BCYa_fL6HiZEDbNWQak5M45glQivZKev7houPaqmrR6u78lGJ9344n66Kjy5wR0RPT8URBEyDmI1HYON0Ibx3tRQnLCtE9Y_6K112_uuy_FWIqncfICAh2/s1600/buffet1257824379.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5640793300821275682" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 395px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-PsoiDPXUTmR2E7BCYa_fL6HiZEDbNWQak5M45glQivZKev7houPaqmrR6u78lGJ9344n66Kjy5wR0RPT8URBEyDmI1HYON0Ibx3tRQnLCtE9Y_6K112_uuy_FWIqncfICAh2/s400/buffet1257824379.jpg" border="0" /></a>
<br />
<br /><div><span style="font-size:180%;">I</span> do like to cook. For some reason I prefer to do it when Poor George is not around - I'm not sure why. Because when I do cook with Poor George, I have fun and I learn things, even if he chastises me severely and then mocks me openly for every gaffe I make. He claims his Chinese heritage and his father's instruction methods as the reasons he does this to me. According to George, the Chinese have such a reverence for food that to screw around with your ingredients is the height of disrespect to the universe, and in situations where animal products are used, disrespect to the animal who gave its life so that you can stuff your fat face.</div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div></div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>I suspect there may be more going on with <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">PG's</span> admonishments than that, but I'll work with that for now.</div>
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<br />
<br /><div></div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>Yesterday morning I got it in my head that I would like to spend the day cooking and that I would make myself a super fancy meal. I had lofty visions of my friend Brandon, who was raised in a stereotypical New York Italian home where lasagna was served as a first course to any meal. I decided I would make myself a lasagna to start.</div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div></div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>Of course, being the imbecile that I am, I searched the Web for an "ultimate" lasagna recipe, and ended up going with one that requires its own tomato sauce from scratch.</div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div></div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>"I don't think you're going to want to make your own sauce - that will take too long," said Poor George gently over the phone. At present George is in Illinois helping my parents move, an act that should in itself qualify him for sainthood. </div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div></div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>Since I didn't actually start until after 8 pm last night, Poor George turned out to be exactly right. My lasagna was not ready until well after midnight - at which point I had no desire to eat it. (I did take one tiny little square, and while not being the best lasagna I've had in my life, I will say that it is still pretty good.) </div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div></div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>The <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">recipe</span> told me to boil two whole pounds of lasagna noodles. I was dubious that I would be able to use that much, but I followed the recipe dutifully and as a result ended up with an entire batch of unused cooked noodles. </div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div></div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>So this morning I whipped up nice little tuna noodle <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">hotdish</span>, made with my own <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">bechamel</span> in place of a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">UBI</span>. For the uninitiated and non-<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Midwesterners</span> among you, "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">UBI</span>" stands for "Universal Binding Ingredient" used in hot dishes, more commonly known as <em>Cream of Something Soup</em>. None of that church basement stuff for me today, Gentle Readers. Today is the Real McCoy. </div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div></div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>And lacking any potato chips to layer on top, I opted for buttered <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">panko</span> bread crumbs. That, coupled with the generous dollops of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Tobasc</span>o and cayenne pepper I threw into the mix, seems to give my tuna noodle dish the "innovative taste" lacking in most church cookbook recipes.</div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div></div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>Some further investigation into my refrigerator contents prompted me to throw together a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">potage</span> of potato, leek, broccoli and cauliflower which is now cooling on top of the stove. Alongside a delicious looking <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">swiss</span> chard souffle I just removed. (I used leftover mozzarella instead of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">gruyere</span> so I'll let you know how that turns out. Smells wonderful.) </div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div></div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>Inside the fridge I still have a nice <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">piece</span> of wild red sockeye salmon that I intended to eat with a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">miso</span> glaze as my main course last night, but seeing as how I didn't make it through the first course the salmon remains uncooked and uneaten.</div>
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<br />
<br /><div></div>
<br />
<br />
<br /><div>I have all this wonderful food surrounding me right now, with no appetite to eat it. I hope I feel hungry around 5 tonight because I will be enjoying a real feast. Wish <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">some</span> of you could join me.</div>
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<br /><div></div>
<br />Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-35279385661311992092011-05-14T10:34:00.004-04:002011-05-14T10:43:36.038-04:00The View -- a special kind of retarded<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUkCHdxRdKfL6nEhWAHGumWV2yy019zd3PX_-OzCifY_VpJYNm4763tRI-x7hQ6hoFgas-tac8gxF5pb-84enTsIxKNjnnKKfL0fdFZzCtSFoZOqy5oA57MtmpWFqx1gzvd20K/s1600/theview.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUkCHdxRdKfL6nEhWAHGumWV2yy019zd3PX_-OzCifY_VpJYNm4763tRI-x7hQ6hoFgas-tac8gxF5pb-84enTsIxKNjnnKKfL0fdFZzCtSFoZOqy5oA57MtmpWFqx1gzvd20K/s400/theview.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5606580784238513538" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 102); font-weight: bold;">What in God’s name did we do to deserve this?*</span></span><br /></div><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >I</span> need to start tracking my Internet browsing history more carefully, because doing so might explain the surreal twists my insomnia-provoked web surfing seems to take. Last night I started around 3:00 am on a quest to find an online recording of Laura Ingalls Wilder’s actual speaking voice, and ended at 7:00 am by watching old YouTube videos of the ladies on “The View” discussing Prop 8. How the first led eventually to the latter is anyone’s guess. If you’d like me to email you my browser cache, maybe you can make sense of it.<br /><br />I hate to have to say it about all of them, but here it is: the ladies on “The View” are morons. Even the ones I like. Even Barbara, sadly.<br /><br />I know I’m a lawyer and all, but do none of these ladies even remotely understand the strength of religious freedom in this country? Did they miss that day of school in first grade where kids learn that you get to practice whatever religion you want here without being thrown in jail because of it? I mean, seriously? Barbara, Whoopi, was this really a question?<br /><br />Holy shit. I know Elizabeth Hasselbeck is a bona fide idiot with the sense of morals and ethics God gave an acorn squash, but I would expect more out of Barbara Walters. Hasselbeck started off by saying that people should have voted “Yes on 8” because a minister in Sweden was supposedly jailed because he refused to marry a gay couple. And we can’t let that happen here! If Prop 8 had failed and gay marriage became the right of Californians, then ministers in California would have to marry gay couples or go to jail.<br /><br />Neither Whoopi nor Barbara said a word to contradict this, or even to question it.<br /><br />Seriously ladies? Holy f*cking sh*t. As I said, I am a lawyer, but I don’t think I had to pay Georgetown $70k to understand that we don’t jail church ministers for preaching to their congregations.<br /><br />The next day (or sometime later) Whoopi was prompted to do a little research when GLAAD called to protest the complete asininity of this “conversation” these women had on the air in front of the even stupider general public. And so Whoopi cleared it up for the group. At which point Hasselbeck and the black chick who replaced Cherry Jones, or whateverthef*ck her name was, both said “well this information came from GLAAD. We’d like to hear what the other side had to say about it.”<br /><br />The “other side?” What other side? Like Fred Phelps?<br /><br />Oh. My. God. If you have not yet seen the movie “Idiocracy,” I advise you to watch it as soon as possible, because it’s coming true.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">*As noted on the brilliant website <span style="font-style: italic;">NoMoreAffleck.com</span><br /></span>Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-36651795712471321352011-04-10T06:00:00.004-04:002011-04-10T06:00:02.703-04:00Bill Maher is smart<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi6P8aPy1mqwTMK2QKPmwIna3M3ZcgTP8_3NArXX6UD_ABxah7Dg13BNGHzUxQLSToI9bib1OfCaCyoH2LGHck8Z2wJXbJgiX3HrGOyFzj14mnDLFmH-H1Y9ZB2Ktwd1lUpj0h/s1600/maher.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5592988312029228866" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 101px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 121px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgi6P8aPy1mqwTMK2QKPmwIna3M3ZcgTP8_3NArXX6UD_ABxah7Dg13BNGHzUxQLSToI9bib1OfCaCyoH2LGHck8Z2wJXbJgiX3HrGOyFzj14mnDLFmH-H1Y9ZB2Ktwd1lUpj0h/s400/maher.jpg" border="0" /></a> <br /><div><span style="font-size:180%;color:#009900;">T</span>his news about <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/22/victoria-jackson-slams-glee-showbiz-tonight_n_838862.html">Victoria Jackson being a Bible-banging tea-partier</a> is really interesting. I always suspected she had wet-brain, but now I have proof. How disappointing that I used to laugh at some of her SNL skits --- unless, perhaps, I was laughing at her rather than with her. Yeah, that’s it. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Bill Maher talked about this on his show the other night. That man is brilliant, and I don’t really care that what he says offends people --- because honestly, we’re the only ones who seem to think it’s important not to offend those who despise us. When are our left-of-center leaders going to grow a pair and start calling a spade a spade instead of trying to broker deals with people who refuse to reason? </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Bill quoted Victoria as saying something about the producers of “Glee” having shoved the gay agenda down America’s throat. After having fun with this easy shot of a thinly veiled reference to fellatio, Bill noted that we <em>should</em> be shoving gayness down the throats of Americans because that’s what the Republicans do every single day. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div><br /><blockquote><em>Unlike the Democrats, when Republicans believe in things that the public doesn’t, their response is "</em>f*ck it. We’ll <strong><em>make </em></strong>them believe." <em>Like attacking Iraq to avenge 9/11, like convincing a country that badly wanted health care reform that they really didn’t want it, like turning global warming into a hoax. That’s what conservatives do. Relentlessly push, until the unthinkable becomes the consensus.</em> </blockquote>I really have nothing to add, because he could not have spoken my mind any better. </div>Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-17729736727111282402011-04-07T18:53:00.004-04:002011-04-07T19:03:22.026-04:00Greetings from the land of "I feel like sh*t"<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_i_TwEi7f4XG5CxBCdODGJXOApKBwMwXT4nWlZ6AlhxCsdtzY0OIeXpTsJg1f80d33MKqaMT0Lo6-5gUo8-gyf06PLLidSDXxZ3Q5fb0Lc3Vc_abpaNDiWpsTsJtWhNcui3Bk/s1600/A-box-of-tissues-001.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5592980154140268546" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 240px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_i_TwEi7f4XG5CxBCdODGJXOApKBwMwXT4nWlZ6AlhxCsdtzY0OIeXpTsJg1f80d33MKqaMT0Lo6-5gUo8-gyf06PLLidSDXxZ3Q5fb0Lc3Vc_abpaNDiWpsTsJtWhNcui3Bk/s400/A-box-of-tissues-001.jpg" border="0" /></a> <br /><div><span style="font-size:180%;color:#009900;">I</span> have been sick with a nasty cold since Sunday, and it’s one of those evil spring flus that creep up very slowly and get progressively worse until you feel like begging Dr. Kevorkian to make a house call. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I hate being sick. Really, really hate it, and especially this time. It’s so damn inconvenient, and aside from the benefit of being able to avoid most aspects of work and household duties, I derive no pleasure out of this at all. Even laying on the sofa watching “Glee” reruns on my Roku has not made me feel better. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I cannot get comfortable no matter what I do. I can barely speak because my throat hurts so much. Lying down makes me want to stand up. Standing or sitting makes me want to lie down. Even Lunesta isn't helping me get a full night's sleep because I wake myself up coughing my guts out every 20 minutes. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I can see why some people say “you either get better or you die” and I take comfort in that sentiment because holy Jesus, I would not want to live my life feeling this way for any significant amount of time. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>The funny thing is I don’t even really believe in illness. I’m slightly Mary Baker Eddy that way – minus the part about the Bible. I believe that people make themselves ill because somewhere deep down they want to be ill to avoid having to take responsibility for anything. I believe that if you don’t want to be ill, you don’t have to be, and that you can take all the proactive steps to avoid illness such as eating correctly and getting enough exercise to keep those white blood cells circulating around your body to ward off pathogens. And getting enough sleep. Et cetera. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I am not always 100% effective at following my anti-illness regime, but I still think I deserve an A for effort. So when a cold like this comes from out of nowhere and kicks my ass, it is especially frustrating. I feel like crying out to the Universe “Hey! What gives? I’m really trying here!” </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I have a number of theories on why I get sick more often than I think I deserve. I’ve been reading about body ph and how you need your ph to be slightly basic to avoid illness --- and most of the foods I love (all the good stuff that most Americans love) are ones that cause your body to be more acidic. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>I also think I have a sleep disorder due to snoring, like about 75% of the adult male population. I don’t want to get one of those horrendous-looking sleep machines, mainly because I think you have to sleep on your back to use them, and I hate sleeping on my back. But maybe I can train myself. </div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Anyway, thanks for listening to me vent. I’m quite displeased right now, because I’m in one of those states where I feel like I will never get better. But this too shall pass. Blech. (cough cough)</div>Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-84572127841403118912011-03-23T06:00:00.002-04:002011-03-23T06:00:18.375-04:00An open letter to 網站設計<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigH3vstdbPXEtDbPjtihSLFFvtqHJdTjUYCBGv92Qoh_6JgfARHVUNelnuAMFG5wzQW49V1BOe6GOL80PwpVp42iFlXPW_XpX5EXxMHf5irXJxdj9HBIcI2ptBDDyiFzmlDDWh/s1600/spam-k-copy.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 303px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigH3vstdbPXEtDbPjtihSLFFvtqHJdTjUYCBGv92Qoh_6JgfARHVUNelnuAMFG5wzQW49V1BOe6GOL80PwpVp42iFlXPW_XpX5EXxMHf5irXJxdj9HBIcI2ptBDDyiFzmlDDWh/s400/spam-k-copy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5586913084991694594" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-size:180%;" >D</span>ear <span dir="ltr"><a href="http://www.sirius-design.com.tw/" rel="nofollow">網站設計</a></span>,<br /><br />You keep visiting my Blogger friends, telling them how much you miss their writings on theater and writing. But you never visit me. Aren't MY writings on theater and writing ALSO "much missed?" It hurts me to be left out like this.<br /><br />I too sometimes write about "theater," but I have to admit I don't have too many writings about "writing." I know some people have published books on writing, and I often talk about how Blogger is for writers whereas Facebook and Twitter are for hacks. But I don't think that's what you were getting at when you visited my friend <a href="http://passionofthedale.blogspot.com">Dale</a> recently. Dale's post was about ventriloquists, which surely should not count as theater. Am I right? <br /><br />And I'm fairly certain Dale didn't address <span style="font-style: italic;">writing </span>in his post. So why did you have to visit him and not me? <br /><br />Your friends <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.sexy1689.com/">情趣</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.sexy1689.com/">巴黎</a>, and even <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.sexy1689.com/category.php?id=57">充氣娃娃</a> used to visit me. Frequently. So frequently that I had to call in <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.sexy1689.com/category.php?id=65">角色扮演</a> to kick their asses. At one point I threatened legal action, and ultimately activated that annoying "comments moderation" feature so that I could force them to stop visiting. That was especially aggravating for me, given that I am perilously lazy and always seek to do as little work as possible.<br /><br />But now that <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.sexy1689.com/">情趣</a>, <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.sexy1689.com/">巴黎</a>, and <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.sexy1689.com/category.php?id=57">充氣娃娃</a> don't visit any more I have become lonely. Please don't be so cruel to me, <span dir="ltr"><a href="http://www.sirius-design.com.tw/" rel="nofollow">網站設計</a></span>. Stop breaking my heart. Won't you please visit me too? I promise I'll try to write more about theater. And writing. <br /><br />Love and coasters,<br /><br />CPCoaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-84431142858360203392011-03-21T06:00:00.000-04:002011-03-21T06:00:13.141-04:00An Open Letter to My Tinnitus<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6oQqzklqPdDHzeJEByTa1NwTzgwmp1Et8IT8SXEDZpeYc0pq43ZYZ9ODLtxtdaiO3HC0ZMHI8BYDOzDA_AleaHwUW97D7mHU2yrwx5HPSKRJZ44kh8yGux-K_gWRKPqWhmgFD/s1600/tinnitus.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5580214486293759090" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 260px; CURSOR: pointer; HEIGHT: 295px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6oQqzklqPdDHzeJEByTa1NwTzgwmp1Et8IT8SXEDZpeYc0pq43ZYZ9ODLtxtdaiO3HC0ZMHI8BYDOzDA_AleaHwUW97D7mHU2yrwx5HPSKRJZ44kh8yGux-K_gWRKPqWhmgFD/s400/tinnitus.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="COLOR: rgb(0,102,0);font-size:180%;" >D</span>ear My Tinnitus,<br /><br />Why have you plagued me since I was nine years old? And why are you getting worse lately? You first entered my life after I flew in an airplane for the first time when I was nine and had a bad head cold. My parents weren't flyers and didn't know this would be dangerous for me.<br /><br />My ears hurt like a holy son-of-a-bitch on that flight, and from the moment we landed my ears have never stopped ringing and popping. I don't know why I never said anything to my parents about it. I guess I was just happy that I could hear at all, and that I was not in pain.<br /><br />Most of the time I don't think about you, My Tinnitus. But for some reason, lately you seem louder. When I go to bed in the quiet at night I hear nothing but your steady high pitched tone and you annoy me. Nothing I do makes you go away, not even for a second.<br /><br />What would my universe sound like without you, My Tinnitus? And why can't people agree on how to pronounce your name? I've heard two doctors refer to you as <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">TINN-i-tus</span>, whereas most others call you <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">tinn-I-tus</span>. Which is it?<br /><br />Maybe it would be a good idea for you to go live somewhere else for a while. We need a break from each other.<br /><br />Love and coasters,<br />CPCoaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-3045467068303722902011-03-17T06:00:00.003-04:002011-03-17T06:00:09.591-04:00An Open Letter to the 3Jesus97 Lady<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8AuVqa7KyTDsbmXedavE6D-uN7JQQRwyrYJuJFcum9OWcTJmQgVr0PNepGV2UW8Vt6baTKwFC2DqeJSYDxb2IsNauIQCuQgBsQA5xTA1guwN0qTQkItsCFo45gayquOcH7Cjs/s1600/Laughing-Jesus.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 208px; height: 265px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8AuVqa7KyTDsbmXedavE6D-uN7JQQRwyrYJuJFcum9OWcTJmQgVr0PNepGV2UW8Vt6baTKwFC2DqeJSYDxb2IsNauIQCuQgBsQA5xTA1guwN0qTQkItsCFo45gayquOcH7Cjs/s400/Laughing-Jesus.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5580212931531187458" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-size:180%;" >D</span>ear <a href="http://cpunchmansworld.blogspot.com/2008/01/3jesus97-or-socio-political-leanings-of.html">3Jesus97 lady</a>,<br /><br />You proclaim to love Jesus every chance you get. I mean, you live in Oklahoma and I guess that sort of thing might be required down there. But do you have to have approximately 57 crucifixes hanging all over your house? Do you realize your entire house is decorated in an instrument-of-torture motif?<br /><br />And when I asked you about your parents that one time, 3Jesus97 lady, you replied "they were horrible people and I'm so glad they're dead!" Why would you say something that harsh, 3Jesus97 lady? Although I found it quite funny and got a good laugh out of it, I know you weren't joking. Didn't Jesus teach you that it's bad karma to talk that way about dead people? I'm not sure Jesus would agree with your approach, 3Jesus97 lady.<br /><br />Finally 3Jesus97 lady, why have you turned into such a crazy bitch at work? Why are you trying to undermine me and the rest of your colleagues? Don't you know that we are about to rise up collectively to bring you to your knees where you belong? Shouldn't you be on your knees anyway since you are supposed to be praising Jesus?<br /><br />3Jesus97 lady, you know I am a total Jew for Jesus, right? Just like that one guy on "Glee." Jesus is my #1 Heeb. And I say that just because I like to, even though I'm not Jewish. But you need to take it down a notch, 3Jesus97 lady. Because no one is buying it, and especially not Jesus.<br /><br />So, 3Jesus97 lady, I suggest you get with the program and start living more like our Boy if you want Jesus to help you. Because you're about to get your ass kicked.<br /><br />Love and coasters,<br />CPCoaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-31967400312683272452011-03-15T06:00:00.007-04:002011-03-15T06:00:15.038-04:00An Open Letter to Whatever is Lurking under my Right Thumbnail<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5TXyB38RzycUNUn_eWWxmwRpB1zRjhAixjQZQJcYozAi31dVfmepMkhE-rZneoTBJk4d-ZcatxrsSItQLfk6jK6JlFJ1doZhTKNvamc8HSJwhDIGjQfQ9buSmxjNFr22t1JiI/s1600/sore_thumb.gif"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 120px; height: 153px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5TXyB38RzycUNUn_eWWxmwRpB1zRjhAixjQZQJcYozAi31dVfmepMkhE-rZneoTBJk4d-ZcatxrsSItQLfk6jK6JlFJ1doZhTKNvamc8HSJwhDIGjQfQ9buSmxjNFr22t1JiI/s400/sore_thumb.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5580210734164863874" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 102, 0);font-size:180%;" >D</span>ear whatever is lurking under my right thumbnail,<br /><br />What are you, my friend? Be you man or be you beast? I have no idea what you are, but you hurt like holy f*ck. Are you a tiny splinter that decided to lodge itself under my thumbnail? I have examined my thumb up and down repeatedly and I see no evidence of you, but you must be there or I wouldn't be wincing every time I use my right thumb to hit a keystroke on the computer.<br /><br />Please be gone by the time I wake up from my next nap or I may go postal.<br /><br />Love and coasters,<br />CPCoaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-68819921385535280382011-03-13T06:08:00.004-04:002011-03-13T06:08:00.363-04:00Messy messy<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF4InhbhHqm255jtT-HC0eQuN6MMyZswpzZZ1Sq-DL_rfgeXV0dCQZqUOhCU83-qPGx9KGiPQNkDM8_cRkM7wh0Qs2paj_9VvFrkpdH0uK_G04ACndrcJAvivgWWfXFI2sZq94/s1600/messy+living+room.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 268px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjF4InhbhHqm255jtT-HC0eQuN6MMyZswpzZZ1Sq-DL_rfgeXV0dCQZqUOhCU83-qPGx9KGiPQNkDM8_cRkM7wh0Qs2paj_9VvFrkpdH0uK_G04ACndrcJAvivgWWfXFI2sZq94/s400/messy+living+room.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5579478549671328306" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 153, 0);font-size:180%;" >I</span>f you haven't figured this out by now, Gentle Readers, I'm kind of a jerk about certain things. One of the ways that I am a jerk is that I will judge you if you have a messy house. Or at least if you have a house that is messy when you invite me over.<br /><br />I know, this is not very <a href="http://www.thesecret.tv/">The Secret</a> of me, and by judging you all I'm just attracting more judging into my life. But this is fine, because if I have a dirty or messy house, I want to be judged. I want you to come into my house, as my former boss Michael did when I was flat on my back from a disc problem, and say "ugh, I just cannot stand this room. I am cleaning this up."<br /><br /><blockquote></blockquote><blockquote>Of course, who wouldn't like free maid service?<br /></blockquote><br />Talk to my friend <a href="http://melindajune.blogspot.com/">Mindy June</a> about the perils of having me as an overnight house guest. She's still mad that I gave her specific instructions on how to tidy up her house before I visited her in London, although she admitted to liking having the place in nice order. And for the record, she did a marvelous job - I felt like I was visiting an adult from one of those other generations that seemed to care about such things. <br /><br />Mindy's own mother, may God rest her soul, was a neatnik like me, and since she was a dear friend of mine I now claim a certain amount of authority over Mindy not just in the area of general life management (a duty bestowed upon me by her dearly departed father) but now also in some of the areas her mother occupied, like household order.<br /><br />(We will set aside for a moment the fact that I claimed this authority long before her mother justified it f0r me.)<br /><br />As for other friends, well, I can only tell you that at least one of them has in so many words forbidden me from ever entering her apartment. And Mindy, trying her best to be sympathetic to my plight, just shrugged and said "well, it is <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span>."<br /><br />So why am I divulging all this now, Gentle Readers? Because Poor George and I made some new friends recently in San Diego. A very nice male couple, charming, good company, wonderful cooks and all around good people. We had met them at a dinner party several months back and invited them to our house for drinks and snacks, and then later to our house for a full dinner party of our own.<br /><br />Last night they invited us over to their place for the first time so that we could hang out and order in some Thai food.<br /><br />Neither one of our new friends is working right now, so I would have expected things in their apartment to be in better order. My parents, for all their crazy in other ways, had always taught me that you are to make your house presentable before someone comes to visit. It's a way of showing respect, of showing that you care enough about your guests' comfort and hygiene to take the trouble to pick up your shit and clear surfaces of obvious dirt and grime.<br /><br />Our new friends' place had dust about an inch thick on all the furniture, and there were piles of crap all around. I did find several clear and available seating surfaces so I was able to sit down, but my personal comfort ended there. I could go on with more details about everything that bugged me about this apartment, but most of you are probably already cringing in horror at the thought of ever having me over, so I'll just leave it at that.<br /><br />This kind of neglect to clean one's house a bit before having company is a phenomenon that seems to plague people of my generation and younger. As I already described, my parents and Mindy's parents were obviously of the belief that you must prepare for company. And as a youngster I do not ever remember visiting homes of family friends that were not in reasonable order.<br /><br />What has happened to change the world this way? Maybe things were always like this and my parents just didn't associate with people who didn't hold similar beliefs.<br /><br />After this display of shallowness I don't suppose that I'll be invited to many of your homes, Gentle Readers. I don't doubt any of you in your own right, but if my informal calculation of the statistics regarding messy versus non-messy is accurate, I'd have to guess that that about 75% of you don't prepare your homes to receive guests, at least not beyond moving piles of crap around so that people can have a place to sit down.<br /><br />What say you, Gentle Readers?Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-22273098762970753542011-03-11T06:00:00.001-05:002011-03-11T06:00:11.272-05:00CP's Pretend Interviews with Bloggers - Lulu and the Therapist<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAYnlLiEEDueK7um0RkH5uRDHSXWy7L2SfgcsrN6qkpQZxKQh4pUo7MFizGTWz75JBPOZ_xV43JHBbmTc6tGb4ygpkWT7dIpGQT8ZOzHqUhFIgVLfqeS7jY4wbgl7Y5A_3WQfS/s1600/pinup_travel2.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 157px; height: 220px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAYnlLiEEDueK7um0RkH5uRDHSXWy7L2SfgcsrN6qkpQZxKQh4pUo7MFizGTWz75JBPOZ_xV43JHBbmTc6tGb4ygpkWT7dIpGQT8ZOzHqUhFIgVLfqeS7jY4wbgl7Y5A_3WQfS/s400/pinup_travel2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5578025981979251826" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(51, 204, 0);font-size:180%;" >A</span>fter abandoning the interviewer’s seat for a number of years, CP recently pretended to sit down with former blogger Lulu again to resume some of their former conversations.<br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: So Lu, welcome back to <span style="font-style: italic;">Blogger</span>, although I must say we miss seeing your posts of life in Bangladesh and other musings.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lulu</span>: Thanks CP. So can you please make me sound like less of a bitch in your fake interview this time? If you’re going to pretend to be me, it would be nice if you could make me sound vaguely attractive for a change.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: What do you mean I don’t make you sound attractive, Lu? Just look at your picture above – you’re smoking hot!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lulu</span>: Yeah, and if you had any readers left the guys might drool over it the way they used to.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: I know. Have any ideas on how I can get some of them back?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lulu</span>: Maybe stop being an asshole for five minutes?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: I would, except Mindy says I’m boring when I try to be nice.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lulu</span>: Yeah, well I wouldn’t know --- I’ve never had the chance to experience that.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: Well actually Lu, you did, at least one time. Remember when I had just graduated from college and I was a total mess? And I started seeing a therapist?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lulu</span>: Oh God no, I see where this is going.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: That’s right Lu. One time I was talking to you from a pay phone at work…<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lulu</span>: Yes, CP, and you were talking to me on a calling card you had stolen from someone, if I recall correctly.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: I’ll have you know I did NOT steal that card, Lu. It was given to me by my friend Laurie Whorie who had gotten it from one of her friends whose dad worked at AT&T or someplace.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lulu</span>: Yes, and the use was completely unauthorized. Which means you were stealing.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: Well, it’s not like it was costing them much. And anyway, that was in the days when a) I was very poor and b) I had no scruples. I’ve fixed at least one of those by this time.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lulu</span>: And we all know which one you fixed.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: Lu, are you going to let me get on with this story or not?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lulu</span>: You’re just pretending to be me here CP, so you can do whatever the hell you want. Go ahead.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: Thanks, Lu. So anyway, before we got sidetracked by the part about me stealing from my friend’s friend’s father’s company, I was going to reminisce about the time you tried to shut down my therapeutic process.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lulu</span>: I wasn’t trying to “shut down” anything, CP. It’s just that you were starting to sound like something out of a Melanie Beattie self-help book. Or that Stuart Smalley guy from <span style="font-style: italic;">Saturday Night Live. </span>Someone had to intervene.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: I don’t recall exactly what I said that would have caused this reaction.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lulu</span>: Jesus Christ CP, do you expect <span style="font-style: italic;">me </span>to recall it? You’re the one with the photographic memory. You’re the one I have to warn everyone not to say anything potentially embarrassing around, because you’ll remember every detail and then bring it up twenty years later at the most inopportune moment.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: You mean like that one time when….<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lulu</span>: I’m stopping you right there, CP.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: Ok, sorry. Well truth be told, I don’t recall exactly what I was saying either, but it was the kind of stuff my shrink thought I should be saying. This was my first bout with therapy so I didn’t know any better.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lulu</span>: At least I was trying to help you <span style="font-style: italic;">not </span>embarrass yourself. You might want to take a page out of my book.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: If it makes things any clearer Lu, I already felt embarrassed about saying whatever it was I was saying. I was just trying to be a good student. Therapists love me for that.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lulu</span>: Oh, really? You mean like the one you were seeing in New York who thought you were such an asshole that he stopped returning your calls?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: I never told you about that.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lulu</span>: I know, but this is just you pretending to be me, remember?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: Right. Well, we’ll leave that one on the table until we’ve had more time to process it. Maybe after my next round of therapy.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Lulu</span>: I’ll be there to pick up the pieces when the next therapist dumps you, CP.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CP</span>: Thanks Lu, always good to know I can count on you. Well we’ve babbled on enough for today. Catch you at the next fake interview!Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-10603221060291630592011-03-09T06:00:00.001-05:002011-03-09T06:00:05.586-05:00New-Friend-Dating and Brain-Crazy-Stalking<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjqoEDKgHHQuCwERUmbeiabb7_tZ6m9zSAoOmr4nnpwVKNswnU6aUdEZrg2X8BmZibCNQhpyff2Pj7k3nAeiRVNmu8ZEBicyF2fs5sUhQ9LnFfekDXp0zx-1EM_wEvY3fIlIqu/s1600/picky-eaters.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5574853295401052530" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; width: 293px; height: 293px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjqoEDKgHHQuCwERUmbeiabb7_tZ6m9zSAoOmr4nnpwVKNswnU6aUdEZrg2X8BmZibCNQhpyff2Pj7k3nAeiRVNmu8ZEBicyF2fs5sUhQ9LnFfekDXp0zx-1EM_wEvY3fIlIqu/s400/picky-eaters.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div><span style="font-size:180%;">I</span> had a very nice New-Friend-Date (see yesterday's post) the other night. We got along really well, had a lot to talk about, laughed at each others’ jokes and generally found each other to be good company. Ok, well I felt all of the above regarding John, my New Friend. I can’t be certain he returned my fondness, but let’s just suspend our disbelief and assume he did.<br /><br />You may recall that I’m a cyberstalker by trade, so I can find out all sorts of weird shit about people online. But I’m also a brain-crazy-stalker, meaning that when I meet a new person who interests me on any level, I develop an intense need to get inside their head to discover the crazy.<br /><br />In case you were not aware, Gentle Readers, it is a fact that everybody is crazy on some level. Everybody. Some people hide their crazy very well, however, and sometimes it takes a mildly retarded Punchman with legal training and a penchant for cross-examinations to get to the crux of a personality and find the crazy. Plus, with me there is the added benefit of an uncanny ability to smell crazy from fifteen miles away, having spent the majority of my childhood around the clinically insane.<br /><br />Brain-Crazy-Stalking is a delicate operation, and I especially need to keep tabs on myself while engaged therein. If I find myself able to crack open someone’s crazy even a tiny bit, it becomes an enormous struggle for me not to let what should be some casual social questioning bloom into a full-on interrogation.<br /><br />With all of the above in mind, my gentle probing into John’s unique character and personality flaws revealed the following:<br /><br />John is a picky eater. He will not eat any kind of onion, mushroom or pepper. He doesn’t want anything spicy, and shuns almost all fish. He refuses to eat any kind of meat containing a bone ---- everything must be boned or filleted. He said he likes Chinese food unless it’s something slimy that he can’t recognize. (Hence, most Chinese food will surely gross him out.) He also refuses to handle any kind of raw meat because it scares him. So when he cooks at home it’s vegetarian.<br /><br />And all this is despite the fact that John has lived abroad multiple times. I asked him about that and he just said “it was hard, REALLY hard.”<br /><br />I’m normally very put off by finicky eaters, but John is entertaining enough in other ways that I find myself able to write it off as a charming quirk. If he’ll let me make fun of him about his food phobias, we might be able to go places with this relationship. Plus, the picky eater thing is offset by two other important facts: John drinks alcohol, and John has a cat.<br /><br />So, for now, I’m ready to move my New Friend up to second date status --- assuming I make the cut on his end. I need to wait the requisite amount of time before emailing John again, remembering that he’s operating from the position of power here. (i.e., he already has friends whereas I do not.) We’ll see where that goes. But no matter what happens, Gentle Readers, I will keep you well informed.<br /><br /><br />Love and coasters,<br />CP<br /><br />PS: I just learned from our mutual friend that John is also a bit of a hypochondriac. I will definitely need to investigate that more fully! </div>Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-44120392538839687522011-03-07T06:00:00.000-05:002011-03-07T07:44:30.348-05:00Friend dates<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguvuSf4H7XDxxq66ph1qxWA8tMuUNAibJYry0EfNLsxRXyOMrnPN7XAMPFaMpB0JrOE49l6ZIbgkwC75znpBlTwTEIO2baH_MmU8zVWqrZ9Podk1504urJnNfW7zjNKNNhXgnt/s1600/BeMyFriend.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5573921443173671698" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; width: 400px; cursor: pointer; height: 305px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguvuSf4H7XDxxq66ph1qxWA8tMuUNAibJYry0EfNLsxRXyOMrnPN7XAMPFaMpB0JrOE49l6ZIbgkwC75znpBlTwTEIO2baH_MmU8zVWqrZ9Podk1504urJnNfW7zjNKNNhXgnt/s400/BeMyFriend.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;font-size:180%;" >M</span><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">aking</span></span> friends in a new town when you’re married, child free and over forty can be challenging. If you’re married, the single people on the prowl have no reason to talk to you (unless they are dedicated <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">homewreckers</span></span>, of course.) People with children gravitate toward others with children so that their kids can play together, leaving them with unfettered adult time to drink and do blow. And as for those of us over forty ---- well, we’re just too tired.<br /><br />So what is an old, married and childless <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Punchman</span></span> to do in a new town? (And yes, we’<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">ve</span></span> been in San Diego two years now---but remember that for old people, two years go by in a heartbeat.)<br /><br />Making friends as a couple is an option, but it’s definitely a different dynamic than having friends on your own. You interact differently with the world when you are half of a unit than when you function as a solo entity. Plus, since I am mildly retarded I have the additional problem of the <a href="http://cpunchmansworld.blogspot.com/2006/03/george-people.html">George People</a> conundrum. It’s important for me to make friends on my own so that my personality <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">doesn</span></span>’t continue to evaporate.<br /><br />I have heard repeatedly that the best way to make friends is to get involved in activities you like. That way, you will likely meet other people with similar interests and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">yada</span></span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">yada</span></span> <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">yada</span></span>. But it’s not always that simple for a mildly retarded <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Punchman</span></span>. For one thing, I don’t really like anything or anybody and have no legitimate interests to speak of, so I <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">wouldn</span></span>’t know where to start with that. Plus, there <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">aren</span></span>’t any clubs I know of whose mission statements include the torturing and murder of annoying sales reps or the watching of bad made-for-TV-movies for hours on end. I'm a bit of a lone horse, I'm afraid.<br /><br />One time I decided to place an ad on the “Strictly Platonic” section of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Craigslist</span></span>. I wrote a funny ad, specifying that I’m a sarcastic bitch who likes Amy and David <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">Sedaris</span></span> and that my primary purpose in life (aside from complaining) is to eat good food and drink lots of alcohol. I received many replies, about 60% of them from guys who apparently had called in sick to school on the day the word "platonic" was taught in vocabulary class--- and although I did enjoy seeing some of their nude pictures, they were not what I was after.<br /><br />A few other people replied with depressingly generic “I’d like to be friends with you, I like having coffee and taking walks on the beach” kinds of responses. (Buzzer noise --- NEXT!) One guy wrote me such a long sad-sack reply that I had to turn off my computer and down a few <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">Darvocets</span></span> just to get over the urge to slit my wrists.<br /><br />Only one person --- one person --- seemed to capture the spirit of my ad and replied in a fun, joking manner. We started exchanging emails and eventually did meet ---he turned out to be a nice person and we have become pretty friendly. Only problem is, he’s a <span style="font-style: italic;">non-drinking vegetarian. </span>And since I’m an alcoholic who, given the opportunity, would gladly swallow a full pound of bacon in a sitting, we are far from a perfect match in terms of spending much free time together.<br /><br />Which is why the other night I placed a phone call to a guy who had come to one of our parties as a guest of another friend, a guy with Scandinavian roots like me (meaning that he knows how to drink.) We both speak Norwegian and otherwise had had a pretty good time talking to each other. I decided I should try to get to know him, so I asked our mutual friend (more of an acquaintance of George’s, actually) for his phone number.<br /><br />I left this gentleman a message four nights ago and he has not returned my call. I told him I go to the gym right near his apartment building, and that maybe he’d like to meet me for a glass of wine at the wine bar next to the gym sometime. I gave him my cell phone number, because aside from my office land line, our cells are the only phones we use.<br /><br />Now I fear he is not calling me back because he thinks I called him to troll around on George. I asked him to meet “me,” not “us.” I said “call my cell phone.” I asked him to drink wine with me.<br /><br />Yeah, I guess that could sound kind of flirty.<br /><br />I thought maybe I could call again and specify that I’m not looking to bone him --- but that might be even weirder. Not sure what to do.<br /><br />Shit, it’s like being single all over again.<br /><br />CP<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14"><br /><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;">Update: The mutual friend ended up calling George to tell him of my message to said 3rd party friend. And suggested that the four of us get together.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Ok, now this was even MORE awkward because, instead of just calling me back, this guy felt the need to call Mutual Friend to ask why the fuck I was leaving him messages asking him to drink wine and call my cell phone number. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Doh.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">So I manned up and emailed Mutual Friend and just said "step off bitch, I'm not cheating on my husband, I just want to have a conversation with someone where I can get a word in edgewise and maybe do it partly in Norwegian." </span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Or a version of that which was maybe slightly nicer.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Mutual Friend forwarded my email to New Friend, and as a result I now have a New Friend date! I feel just like Kelly on "The Office!"</span><br /><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14"><br /></span>Coaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9141127.post-32209109192651521542011-03-04T06:00:00.001-05:002011-03-04T07:21:59.952-05:00Alissa Milbert can suck my balls - The Finale!<div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRrHAJBCGu0LIfZmUD2m1rUY3Ym_53Vrbr4M9-Bkl3mdYabG0rsQGI40NQZjRojHCLmIdLvaxCfO7Idj1yzSXMu5fh4g9kGQbCTOkkJSWdE-avm9spqxFeSCDpI_FcRJ4sk_af/s1600/Lauraingallswilder70.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5572368998175501810" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; width: 323px; cursor: pointer; height: 400px; text-align: center;" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRrHAJBCGu0LIfZmUD2m1rUY3Ym_53Vrbr4M9-Bkl3mdYabG0rsQGI40NQZjRojHCLmIdLvaxCfO7Idj1yzSXMu5fh4g9kGQbCTOkkJSWdE-avm9spqxFeSCDpI_FcRJ4sk_af/s400/Lauraingallswilder70.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">This is the real Maura Mingalls. She was supposedly kind of a bitch, so maybe it all makes sense. </span><br /></div><br /><br /><span style="font-size:180%;">N</span>aturally, I could not resist sending Alissa a friend request. Once again, I clicked <span style="font-style: italic;">Send </span>and then ceased to think about it.<br /><br />A few hours later I got the happy Facebook email: Alissa Milbert has accepted your Facebook friend request.<br /><br />That’s right Gentle Readers --- CP became FRIENDS! With Half-Pint!!!<br /><br /><blockquote>(Just to make sure all my Gentle Readers are in on the story --- Alissa Milbert was the childhood star of <span style="font-style: italic;">Little Mouse on the Scarie, </span>playing Half-Pint, aka Maura Mingalls. We’re now talking BIG-TIME 1970s TV stardom!)<br /></blockquote><br />So of course, now I’m all impressed with myself. I mean, not just <span style="font-style: italic;">anyone </span>can be friends with Half-Pint. Her friend list was rather small and only consisted of about 50 or so people. I recognized quite a few of her names too, but decided not to press my luck by friending any of them. Not yet, anyway.<br /><br />I immediately called my friend Shelley in New York. Shelley had sat next to me at work, and we had often discussed a mutual appreciation for <span style="font-style: italic;">Little Mouse</span>, both of us having enjoyed watching it during childhood---and had on more than one occasion joked about forming a <span style="font-style: italic;">Little Mouse</span> book club. (Yes, we had also both read the entire series of books.)<br /><br />Shelley was quite impressed with my new friendship. It was only natural that she should want to worship me.<br /><br />* * * *<br /><br />Over the next several weeks I enjoyed observing the fascinating world of Alissa Milbert. She was on Facebook just about every day --- at the time she was finishing up work on her autobiography and was excited about its upcoming publication.<br /><br />One morning Alissa posted the following status, purportedly in reference to her work on the book:<br /><br /><blockquote><span style="font-style: italic;">The truth will set you free….</span></blockquote><br /><br />I decided to leave her a comment, and in true Punchman style I tried to make it short and witty. (Unlike my blog posts, I realize.) I wrote:<br /><br /><blockquote style="font-style: italic;">Yes, but aren’t lies more fun?</blockquote><br /><br />I was promptly scolded by Alissa’s other friends, who said things like<br /><br /><blockquote><span style="font-style: italic;">Come on, we are supporting Alissa in her work. It’s been hard for her to tell her story --- isn’t that more important than having fun with lies?</span></blockquote><br /><br />And such other b.s. from people who have no sense of humor. I felt slightly chastised, but oh well.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Yeah. <em>"Oh well"</em> until later that afternoon. When I discovered I was no longer Alissa’s friend.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />That’s right, Gentle Readers. <span style="font-style: italic;"></span>Unfriended. By Half-Pint. Maura Mingalls fucking dumped me. I’d been dumped by a washed up former child actor.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Panicked, I scoured the rest of my Friend list to make sure Palison was still there ---- and she was. (Thank you, Jellie!) And through Palison’s profile I was able to see that Alissa was still indeed on Facebook --- and still had approximately the same number of friends she had when she first decided to be my friend.<br /><br />So this was intentional. Half-Pint saw my comment, probably wondered “who is this f*cking a**hole? I thought maybe I knew him but he’s obviously just some pathetic stalker. UNFRIEND!”<br /><br />* * *<br /><br />Today, if you search for Alissa on Facebook you will have the ability to friend her “Fan” page, where she leaves us the following message:<br /><br /><blockquote style="font-style: italic;">Please note this is the official Fan page for Alissa Milbert. She will not add friends on Facebook in any other format unless she knows you personally. To avoid disappointment - please do not try unless she knows you!</blockquote><br /><br />So at long last, Gentle Readers, we come to the crux, the theme of this series which has been a long time coming:<br /><br /><br /><br />Alissa Milbert can suck my balls.<br /><br /><br /><br />Also, for the record, I read her autobiography. And I have come to the conclusion that she really is an asshole.<br /><br /><br />Unlike Palison, whose autobiography I also read --- and Palison comes across quite clearly as the nice, down to earth gal that she is. I will <span style="font-style: italic;">always </span>love me some Jellie!<br /><br />So that's where we leave it, Gentle Readers. I realize that a nine installment series may have been a bit much to sit through, merely to learn that I hate Alissa Milbert because she Facebook dumped me. <br /><br />But since when have you expected great literature from me?<br /><br />Love and coasters,<br />CPCoaster Punchmanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12587366749348273040noreply@blogger.com11