Today we have questions from the Lovely & Talented Melinda June.
1. Mama Gin can't be all bad. Give us three things to like about her.
a. Her compulsive gambling.
b. Her penchant for opening our door and giggling at the sight of the cats.
c. Her absence.
2. Imagine that you're cooking dinner and there's a knock on the door. It's a twenty three year old whose mother, Chevy Chevette, has told him you are his father. What's he like? Why is he looking for you? Chevy Jr. would be 25 now, not 23. Chevy Jr. would be intelligent in that borderline retarded kind of way; just ever so slightly compulsive; and of course, devastatingly handsome. He would be looking for me in an attempt to derive a share of the fortune that is being made off of my syndicated online column, Coaster Punchman's World. Oh wait, that's only in my fantasies, right?
And by the way, you are positively evil.
3. What, exactly, is too prudish? What, exactly, is too much sharing? Too prudish: Throwing down a book just because one of the characters decided to have a little fun with his armchair.
4. You claim to be psychically linked to all cats. Does this include lions and tigers? Are they drawn to you when you go to zoos? Would it be safe to take you on safari? Probably not. One time I was at the Como Zoo with our friend KC, and we were looking at a beautiful tiger in one of those really close-up cages like they used to have. I kept leaning in, trying to get as close as possible saying "here kitty kitty!" when all of a sudden the beast up and lunged at me, throwing his entire body up against the side of the cage. I shrieked and ran like hell.
5. Tell us about the best date you and Georgie have had. One day, many moons ago, Poor George took me to the Bronx Botanical Gardens when the magnolia trees were in full bloom. It was a weekday and there were no other people around, so we decided to lie down on the grass under the trees and take a nap. It was heaven.
I am Coaster Punchman and you have just entered my world. I rule it with an iron fist, so if you're looking for First Amendment protection, you will not find it here. I have a now deceased crazy Chinese mother-in-law, and sometimes I wear Crocs around the house. I don't like flip-flops or Mormons. I'm also a cyberstalker by trade -- so I could look up all sorts of random shit about you if I wanted, but I probably won't because I'm pretty lazy.