Friday, June 01, 2007

New Project


There is a sad phenomenon in life where certain parents, who are otherwise perfectly normal people, choose one child from their nest and decide to abuse him or her horribly, even while being regular old parents to all the other kids. I read a few autobiographical books written by Dave Pelzer, who suffered such abuse from his mother, and boy is it a sad story. Not to mention gawker slowdown in the extreme.

I've been thinking about this lately for some odd reason. In the end I decided that since I have no kids and no plans to get any, and since I couldn't possibly bring myself to be mean to a cat, that I would have to unleash the abusive side of my personality on a fellow blogger instead of a child.

Therefore, one day soon I will choose a regular visitor to CPW and start to run roughshod over him or her like there's no tomorrow, while being sweet as pie to everyone else.


Who's in? Would you like to be the recipient of my irrational and unprovoked wrath? Let me know in the comments, and we'll see if we can't get started.


30 comments:

Dale said...

I'll volunteer but only if you finish the project where you go through your link list spreading sunshine and joy and say nice things first.

Flannery Alden said...

No, thanks. I get enough abuse from Grant Miller.

Good luck with your experiment, though.

Bubs said...

You have described the methods of MizBubs' dead mother. Only with her it was more of a case of alternating which kid was going to be treated less or more horribly.

I'll step up and take one for the team if it allows you to focus on entertaining the rest of us with your writing. Because entertaining all of us is what's important here.

Splotchy said...

I often worry that I'm doing this kinda thing to my eldest son. I feel like I pick on him a bit.

I don't believe I take it to an extreme, but there might be something subtle goin' on.

The best I can do is just be conscious of this possible tendency of mine.

I neither invite or decline your abuse, as it's probably better when you don't expect it.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Um, I was going to give you a bad time for not finishing the story of you meeting George, but I don't want to be the picked-on child. I had enough of that shit from my father, to last three lifetimes.

Coaster Punchman said...

Dale, you are correct; I do need to finish my Top 40 links series.

Ah Flan, I thought you might be able to take it. Since I haven't added your link yet, one of the ways I could abuse you would be to taunt you continually with the prospect as I have already been doing.

Yeah Bubs, like I'm going to verbally abuse a guy with a gun. At least bullets can't travel over the Web. Yet.

I'm glad that if nothing else, my tasteless post at least will help you remember, Splotch. We all do have our dark sides, don't we?

Sorry to hear this, Write. Should I search your archives for some of these sad stories, or have you not shared yet?

Chaylene said...

I would volunteer, but I bruise easily (and I'd have to charge extra).

The Freelance Cynic said...

Sound's amazing! My childhood was annoyingly complex free

GrizzBabe said...

Well since I am an only child, I got to experience the joy of being the sole benefactor of my step-father's abuse; consequently, I think I'll sit this one out.

BeckEye said...

I'll second the nomination for Dale. I was going to offer myself up, but you need to add me to your blogroll before you start abusing me. Jerk. (You're on mine, so I'm allowed to say that.)

lulu said...

I'm way too much of a delicate flower to be involved in this, besides, having been friends with you for over 20 years, I think I would take it too personally.

Tenacious S said...

Thanks for the heads up on NOT choosing this as a vacation read. You know, I really don't need any more people yelling at me than I already have. That being said, since I know it's an experiment, I know I'd just ignore it.

Writeprocrastinator said...

"Sorry to hear this, Write. Should I search your archives for some of these sad stories, or have you not shared yet?"

No, there aren't too many references in my blog or my fiction. Now, um, when you gonna post about meeting George?

anandamide said...

I think I fit the bill:
-I try just a little too hard
-I showed up wearing stone washed jeans
-I've got some soggy bread stuck in my braces
-Despite being clearly out of touch, I'm inexplicably over-confident

Coaster Punchman said...

Everybody - HA! Sorry for the lack of posts this weekend; turns out I misplaced the power cord to my laptop and lost battery power until now. And now, I have to get ready to travel very early tomorrow. I hope to have the George sequel up in the next day or so.

Writeprocrastinator said...

Coaster,


Sadist.

Chris said...

I thank you for this service. I harbor a lot of guilt from not being verbally abused as a child. Give me your worst!

Flannery Alden said...

Well, since I'm into begging for it: Hit me with your best shot. I am a linkwhore afterall.

Beth said...

Please don't choose me. My fantasy of being best friends with you and Isaac Mizrahi will be crushed.

Bubs said...

I'm beginning to think that the real abuse here is that Mr. Punchman isn't answering my damn questions.

Bella Rossa said...

Well, I'm redheaded, like the apocryphal stepchild, and the beginning of the most popular phrase using the term "redheaded stepchild" is "beat you like a..." so bring it on, CP!

Johnny Yen said...

Are you sure about the cats? I'll gladly offer my wife's two cats. Or my ex-wife's two Chihuahuas.

Grant Miller said...

Please Please Please pick me.

jewgirl said...

honey, you can be a venomous snatch on wheels to me any day :)

Bubs said...

We miss you, even if you threaten to abuse us.

Beth said...

Yes, we miss you, CP!

Old Lady said...

Finish the George story first. Then do Grant!

Old Lady said...

On the serious side though comedy is an expression of pain and anger. Making light of the bad things in life tends to put a person in a healthier frame of mind in that it helps us channel our angst and makes us free!

Writeprocrastinator said...

Dang it, Tom, just scold us already and finish the story!

Pretty please with sugar and a large poached ocean bass, covered with ginger and scallions on top?

N.V said...

Here's some insight: I saw my mother beaten by my father more than once to the point where there was blood on the walls.

Watching is worse than getting, believe me.