The charmingly talented Katie Schwartz is at it with the memes again. I like these random ones, so hell, I'll play. Here's eight random things about me for the enjoyment of my Gentle Readers. Enjoy the gawker slowdown.
1. I've always hated the word "balls" in reference to the male anatomy. I find that word to be incredibly vulgar. I don't know why.
2. Not a big fan of nipples either- the word or the real things, male or female. I assume this is because I wasn't breast fed. Oh, and if you touch mine, you die. I mean it.
3. I got fired from a job for drinking. It was only a summer job while I was in college, but I like to lead with that first sentence because it makes a bigger impact.
4. I was a goody-two-shoes namby-pants sometimes as a kid. One time when I was about 11 a kid rode up to me on his bike when I was out in front of my house. He stopped and said "Hi, do you know anyone who would like to fuck? Or do you know anyone who would like to buy pot?" I freaked out, said "I can't talk to you!" and ran into the house. I tried to tell my mom what happened but got hung up trying to explain what the kid had said without actually saying "fuck" to my mom. She kept trying to decipher what I was talking about until I gave up and went to my room.
5. Sometimes in the middle of the night I wake up and become convinced I'm going to die soon, and I start to freak out about it, wondering if it's a premonition. But I think it's only because I've been surrounded by so much death the past few years.
6. I have a theory that there is no middle ground on black licorice for 99.9% of the population. People either love it or hate it.
7. I secretly hate everyone who has ever interviewed me and then not offered me a job, but I don't feel the same way about those who have turned me down romantically.
8. The first time I was dumped as an adult sent me into such a tailspin of depression that I feared for my own life. I sought professional help and cleared out all sorts of crazy though, so it ended up being a good thing. Then the next time I got dumped I expected it to happen again but it didn't, which was proof to myself that I had healed sufficiently.
Please play, Gentle Readers. Post your eight things and remember to make them dirty.
26 comments:
I'm curious about this nipple avoidance issue but I'm too polite to ask. Those are some interesting things. If I can come up with some dirty ones, I'll post immediately, mine would be 8 more mundane things about you know who.
You're sooo right about the licorice. I can't stand the stuff!
I don't know where the nipple problem originated. All I can tell you is that any kind of contact, no matter how slight, is like nails on a chalkboard to me. Which probably explains why I don't like looking at other peoples' either. Painful reminder of my heebie jeebies.
And I love it, Grizzbabe. I did meet one person in my life who is ambiguous about it, which is why I provided for a slight margin in my statistics.
Black licorice is so polarizing. I despise it. I don't even like looking at it.
"Oh, and if you touch mine, you die. I mean it."
Note to self: Tell Dean to...
Black licorice is the beet of the candy world.
But what about a nice shot of Sambuca, Chelene?
I hope you're talking about my sales rep Dean, Write.
Oh, and I hate black licorice too! That doesn't mean I won't eat it. If it's there, I feel compelled. I've only been arrested twice because of it.
Black licorice is dead to me. And I also did the Katie meme.
"Hi, do you know anyone who would like to fuck? Or do you know anyone who would like to buy pot?"
I can't tell you how many times people have stopped me on the street to ask that question. But only since I moved to NYC.
I agree on the licorice theory. No one puts that in their mouth and says "eh, it's ok." It's either "mmmmmm" or "ack - ptooey!" I think the same could be said for balls, also.
I love black licorice. Nipples too.
So you won't be joining us in Boobiethon this year?
Dammit! It's like that episode of "The Dick Van Dyke Show." I just typed my comment ... glided down to the Publish button ... glanced up ... and saw that Lulu wrote exactly what I wrote.
But I still love nipples. And licorice.
Nipples and Licorice...wasn't that a Strawberry Alarm Clock song?
Coaster Punchman, you are a complex and fascinating fellow.
cp, man, you shared a lot of personal dish. I heart you even harder now than I did before. such moxie, dahlink.
on a lighter note, you are so right re: licorice. you are also so damn funny. what's the deal with nipples? why such an aversion? do you like sucking nipples or just not having yours sucked?
i used to do number 5 a lot when I was a kid. I worried I'd go to sleep and not wake up again. Not sure why these days I am not as bad
Crazy theory here, but perhaps Lulu was your older sister, and when you were an infant she rubbed black licorice on your mother's nipples to turn you off from them, so she could nurse, despite being weaned and too old for it to be socially acceptable.
I wouldn't put anything past her.
1. That's because it is vulgar. That's why it's so good.
2. George Carlin deals with this word in his "Seven words you can't say" bit. It's such a friendly word... But yeah, vulgar, like balls.
3. Come on, CP-- half truths are the same as lies. It may have only been a summer job, but be honest with your readers, it was as an airline pilot....
4. I was the same. That's why I figured I was entitled to misbehave a lot as an adult.
5. Seriously, I've had the same experience. And as Kristi pointed out after one of my blog posts, I have been surrounded by a lot of death in the last ten years or so.
6. You're absolutely right. I fall in the "hate it" category. Love the cherry licorice, thought...
7. That's funny-- I'm job-hunting right now, and I was thinking that I wish I could put everyone who didn't hire me in the past and pin them down on why they didn't hire me.
8. For me, it wasn't the first time I was dumped, but the most important time-- someone I was madly in love with. The night she ended the relationship, I knew I'd never feel like that about anyone ever again. I was right. I've fallen in love a couple of times since, but never with that intensity.
I hope Creepy plans to pay for all of the therapy I am going to need now.
If #4 happened to me, as an adult, I'd probably have the same reaction you did, as a kid! I guess I'm a namby-pamby.
Now that you AND bubs both did it I guess I'll have to, too.
I think I just screwed up your theory. I used to LOVE Sambuca but I hate black licorice.
...and don't say it just makes me weird either.
:-P
I agree with Jin as I too used to love Sambuca, Uzzo or Pastis but hated black licorice.
Jeneye, your pic is pretty hot, "Do you want to fuck?" Alas, isn't NYC something else. Cheers!
The death thing is what is polarizing. My girl was freaking out about it...I told her we all do it...perhaps I will show her your post.
Death and taxes, baby. But hopefully not today.
Could you expand #4 to a full post. I found it very funny.
I hate licorice.
Additionally, you wouldn't need an interview to work at Grant Miller Media and I'd encourage you to drink.
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