Sunday, July 08, 2007

CP Adopts an Actor


Our blogger pal Splotchy has requested that members of the greater blogging community each adopt an actor-in-need. I understand the term "actor-in-need" to be open to various interpretations. Perhaps your adoptee could be an unsung character actor whose role makes that classic cult movie, yet your actor still has to park cars and wait tables to make it by. Or perhaps....I don't know, make up your own examples because I don't really give a shit.

Coaster Punchman's World hereby officially adopts Kim Walker. Sure, Ms. Walker died of a brain tumor back in 2001, but that's no reason she should not enjoy an eternal resting place here at CPW, the Internet's warmest and most welcoming webspace. If we're lucky, she may even decide to haunt us.

I have been obsessed with Ms. Walker ever since her brilliant portrayal of the blond Heather Chandler in one of the 20th century's greatest cinematic works, Heathers.

Ms. Walker was responsible for the delivery of the film's greatest lines, forever burned into the brain of CP, to the delight and sometimes chagrin of all his cohorts:

Well fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?

Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast? First you ask if you can be red, knowing that I'm always red....

Come on Heather, let's have another look at today's lunch.

Monday morning, you're history. I'll tell everyone about tonight. Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games.


I get you into a Remington party, and where is my thanks? It's all over the hallway carpet. I was paid in puke.


They all want me, as a friend or a fuck.


You wanted to be a member of the most powerful clique in school. If I wasn't already the head of it I'd want the same thing.


Grow up, Heather. Bulimia is so '87.


No one really knows whether Ms. Walker would have grown into a well rounded actress if she had not expired before her time. Regardless, we here at CPW will forever sing her praises for her outstanding performance in Heathers, and we will continue to scour late night television for reruns of her sundry other film and TV appearances.

Rest in peace, Heather. I mean Kim.

22 comments:

Splotchy said...

Good choice.

I didn't realize she had died.

Crazy.

Beth said...

Neither did I. You're doing a noble thing, CP, by adopting her so 1989 ass and keeping her memory alive.

Dale said...

You are public servant #1.

Flannery Alden said...

Amen, CP, amen.

Bubs said...

I have to watch Heathers again. I remember liking it, but given how much you rave about it, and how my bride, sister-in-law and daughters talk about it, I need to see it again.

anandamide said...

damn, you took mine. now i'm going to have to take Burt Ward.

http://www.robintheboywonder.com/

lulu said...

Of course. Who else would you possibly pick?

Bella Rossa said...

Dude. I can't believe you're writing about her. My friends and I have engaged in several intense discussions about her over the years.

The fact that she uttered the most common phrase my friends and I used to throw at each other in the hallways in high school ("Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?!!") and then...died of a brain tumor is so horribly ironic. RIP, Kim Walker.

Chris said...

Well, at least she won't have to spend a lot on extra groceries and clothes for her.

GrizzBabe said...

I LOVE Heathers! I just remembered that I own the DVD. I'll have to watch it again this weekend.

chelene said...

Wow, I haven't thought about that movie in years. I had no idea she died. Poor Kim.

BeckEye said...

And I think she dated Christian Slater. So did Winona. He was such a little whore.

I love Heathers. I think my favorite line is Christian's dead-on jab at the homophobic Midwest: "This is Ohio. If you don't have a brewski in your hand, you may as well be wearing a dress."

lulu said...

My favorite line is "I love my dead gay son" Which is always said in the voice of Hal Sparks imitating the movie on I Love the 80s.

Coaster Punchman said...

Let us not forget "jealous, much?"

Tumuli said...

I'm grieving!

Bluez said...

Does the adopted actor in need have to be dead?

If not I'll adopt Johnny Depp

wonderturtle said...

Hapabukbuk uses most of these phrases with alarming frequency. Thanks for helping keep the memories alive.

hapabukbuk said...

Heather Chandler is dead?? I have to take a moment of silence. Heathers is definitely one of the greatest movies ever made. Corn nuts.

Coaster Punchman said...

Regular or BQ?

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Congrats. I had no idea she died. RIP Kim, rip.

Writeprocrastinator said...

She kicked much ass, I can't imagine that film without her.

jewgirl said...

I loved heathers. she kicked ass in that moo-moo. I had no idea she peeled. aww. so sad.