Monday, September 24, 2007

If you are a Croc-bashing flip-flop-wearer I will kill you

Flip-flop wearers force the world to look at things like this

Dale recently posted an interview with a new blogger friend who allegedly hates Crocs.


Fine, hate Crocs if you must. Personally, I love my Crocs. I don't wear them around town, mind you. I wear them in the house, in the yard, and slip them on if I have to run outside for a limited time (e.g. to take the trash out or down to the corner to buy a quart of milk.)


I do NOT wear them to work, in the office or on public transportation. I basically think of them as glorified slippers.


That being said, I do love my Crocs. They are super comfortable, provide good arch support, have breathing holes for your feet to breathe and they are easy to sanitize for good foot hygiene.


You may think they're ugly, and I would tend to agree, although they seem more kitschy than anything else. And I'm not wearing them for high fashion.


So now that we've said all that, let me just tell you all this one thing so that we can be sure to understand each other:


If you rip on my Crocs, you had BETTER fucking not be a person who wears flip-flops. And if you malign my Crocs while being a flip-flop wearer who actually wears them to work or on the subway or on Manhattan city streets, I may have to kill you.


Flip-flops suck for the following reasons:
  • They provide no support to your foot whatsoever
  • They provide no covering or protection so that, God forbid, if you should ever step onto a CROWDED SUBWAY TRAIN OR CITY STREET you will risk getting your toes stepped on. But maybe you would like that because then you get to act like a big baby instead of taking responsibility for your poor choice of footwear
  • And worst of all, they force the general public to have to look at your dirty and probably diseased feet.


Tell me people, how on earth can THIS:





be more offensive than THIS?





I know some of you wear flip-flops and you do work to keep your feet clean, well manicured and attractive - and for this I thank you. And I will not bother you about it UNLESS YOU MALIGN MY CROCS!


If you do, it will be war.



Love,

CP

31 comments:

Marni said...

I love my crocs... I hate toes. And the toes in this post are making me ill. :)

I wear flip flops in the summer, but my nails MUST be painted and have little designs on the big toe. If not... I'll put on tennis shoes or - gasp - my crocs!

jin said...

EW!
lol

Uh, CP? We don't consider my vegan Birkenstock sandals to be a type of flip flop... correct?
(Remember, I wear them year round, even in the snow, but my feet are obsessively smooth & my toes are always perfectly anally retentively painted... and I've never been on a subway...)

jin said...

p.s.
I had a pair of crocs. They aren't my thing, however, they seem to be practically indestuctible. I let Brioche have them as a toy when she still had her puppy razors (baby teeth) and I swear no matter what she did to them they wouldn't fall apart!

Anonymous said...

Well, I don't wear Crocs or flip-flops, so I am unbiased! However, there was a story on the local news recently about a kid who got his Crocs caught in an escalator, which damaged them pretty badly. Luckily, he got his feet out before he got hurt. So I am glad to hear that you only wear them around the house.

I wear Birkenstocks, but they are a Mary Jane style with closed toes. Come to think of it, I guess I don't wear sandals at all, although I have very pretty feet.

Love,
Your Cousin Cathy

hapabukbuk said...

AMEN BROTHER!!!

Dale said...

I'm officially breaking up with you not so much for the crocs but the photos you posted. I will never sleep again.

Bluez said...

Holy encrusted toenails batman. How could anyone with toes like that have the nerve to wear flip flops!

Bubs said...

Mr. Punchman, relax...I'm stepping away, slowly, from the flip flops...you're safe now...put down the bottle and the meat cleaver...your crocs are just lovely, really they are. Seriously. I'll let myself out now.

Anonymous said...

EWWW! Ok, I don't check your blog for a while and I get these nasty toe pictures when I come back...

I don't wear flip flops or crocs...but my daughter does and they look just as cute on her as on you! Just what you were hoping for....

Kimbeerlee

Coaster Punchman said...

Bubs, laughing hysterically....

Ok everyone, remember I said I wouldn't judge your flip-flops as long as you leave my beloved Crocs alone. If you're nice to the Crocs, you'll get a pass.

Jin & Cathy, birkenstocks do not = flip-flops, though arguably the dirty foot problem can still apply. One of the most offensive things about flip-flops is that between-the-toes piece of rubber. Hate that. And birks don't present that problem.

Tanya Espanya said...

Holy bunions, is that photo real? And the one of the flip flops?

I like flip flops, and only have a pair of mock crocs because I was hugely swollen at the end of my pregnancy.

Beth said...

I never Croc nor flip-flip. I wear adorably designed yet refreshingly comfortable sandals.

chelene said...

I flip-flop all summer but I don't Croc at all. Forgive me, but I think they look like people have buckets on their feet.

Coaster Punchman said...

Who needs Palestine when we can have religious wars over footwear?

Anonymous said...

This blog is beginning to really take a nasty turn... I hope that my marriage can survive this.

pg

anandamide said...

Point well taken. You sealed it with that last photo....

Melinda June said...

We are no longer friends.

Keith Kennedy said...

Well I'm a Birkenstock boy myself, but the picture of the flip flops has now energized me to go clean out my closet and throw them all away.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Thanks for curing my foot fetish.

Grant Miller said...

I live in my sandals.

lulu said...

I was thinking about your hatred of flipflops just the other day when I suddenly realized that I have not worn anything BUT flipflops for at least a month. I have only worn "real" shoes to work 3-4 times since I have been here. I do have obsessively pedicured toenails, and am not serving shrimp, or doing whatever it is that drag queens do with biscuits, and best of all, my flipflops are CROCS! I adore them.

Coaster Punchman said...

Serving shrimp: when your toes reach over the tops of you sandals

Giving biscuit: when your heel sticks out the back.

Lulu's admission here shows you all that a mixed marriage IS still possible! It's like ebony & ivory. Salt 'n pepper. Chocolate & vanilla. Checkerboards. Lulu's a checkerboard chick.

GrizzBabe said...

I am a Birkenstock-knockoff person myself (why pay $100 when you can pay $30?) but I have no intention of bashing your Crocs. To each his own.

Flipflops make my toes hurt.

Mombi said...

Holy f*ck... what was growing out of (or into... I couldn't tell) that first person's foot?!

I need to go slough. Can't... cope! *flail*

Writeprocrastinator said...

You rule.

Your crocs are just that, crocs of...

Tenacious S said...

I seriously was thinking dreadful thoughts of toe-mashing at the concert on Tuesday night as I was surrounded by a bunch of flip-flop wearing fools. Flip-flops at a concert? That's downright masochistic!

Alan said...

But why would you DO that ... ARRRGH!!

I have posts concerning my Yuck Factor over flip-floppers. So Yuck that I assigned them no label.

I mean, what about the subway, when these people, and by people I mean MEN, stretch their whole bare leg/flip-flops combo out so that they're practically tiouching you from across the aisl-- eeeeewwww

I mean, damn! Comfortable with your own body is one thing, but have a freakin' clue.

I'd tolerate toe-hiding Crocs (thanks for teaching me that word today, btw) over the exhibitionism of flip-flops ANY day.

But for some reason, women wearing them is no problem (provided there's adequate nail care). It's just these fleshy men! What is WRONG with them?!

jewgirl said...

I am a crocwhore! We are on the same team, babe. I have obnoxious red and flourescent yellow. I don't wear them in public either unless I'm running an errand. They are hideous, but disturbingly comfortable.

Can't bear the flip of flop. We used to call them zories when I was growing up.

Malcolm: said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Malcolm: said...

When I was in NY on business for a weekend earlier this summer, I saw so many flip flop/sandal wearers with ugly feet that I thought my eyes were going to bleed. However, nothing I saw that weekend compares to the pic you posted. There oughta be a law against people exposing their nasty-looking dogs like that.

For the record I don't wear Crocs, flip flops, or any type of open-toed shoe. I always tell people that if they ever see me sporting flip flops or sandals, they will know that I lost a bet.

Old Lady said...

I won't malign your Crocs. Some people around here do were them to work-wrong!!! I don't like flip flops a whole lot because they make the space between my big toe and second toe itch. I prefer the mule flops.