Friday, September 05, 2008

Retarded ---- again

This is the logo on my coffee cup. Dale, when are you posting???


Gentle Readers,

A while back I posted about a brief flirtation with retardation I had (hey, that has a catchy ring!) while making coffee one ill-fated morning. I had a similar experience this morning, albeit one not so messy as before.

This time I ground the beans and got them into the brewing basket where they belong. Poured in the water, hit the "on" switch and let her rip.

Then I got the milk out of the fridge, poured some into the Tom Cat cup I've used every morning since 1993, and put the cup in the microwave. (I like a cafe-au-lait effect so I heat up my milk.)

While the coffee was brewin' and the milk was heatin' I got out the sugar bowl and a spoon - I take my milky coffee with 1 spoon 'o sugar. More on that in a minute.

So then I start looking for my cup so I can put my sugar in. Where is the cup? What did I do with it???? No cup! I open the cupboard, not there. Open the dishwasher, not there. Did I bring it into the living room? Nope. Did it just disappear right off the counter??? Fer cryin' out loud, I just HAD the fucking cup!!! Where the fuck is it????

Voice in CP's head to CP: It's still in the MICROWAVE you retard! How many times in your life have you heated up your milk before pouring your coffee? I swear to God, someone should have you killed.

My friend Sarah's mother is a well known (retired) food editor for a magazine. One time when I had stayed overnight at her place her husband and I were both dollying up our morning coffee with milk and/or sugar. She looked at us both with a fair amount of disdain and said "you both need to learn to drink your coffee black." I'm starting to see how she may be right.

Love,
CP

14 comments:

Dale said...

Black coffee is wrong. You said right there she's a well known (retarded) food editor.

Where's my remote? Where's my friggin' remote?

I am Dale and I did not approve this message.

KK said...

Boys should drink black coffee. We are genetically predisposed to like it black and the addition of milk/cream/sugar, etc. is the cause of many of the socio-economic problems of the western world.

Either that or I'm also flirting with some patches of mild retardation as well.

Flannery Alden said...

This sounds more like a senior moment...

Grant Miller said...

I used to hate black coffee. Now I think anything other than black coffee tastes weird.

More than once I've filled the coffee maker with water and failed to put in the grounds. A good way to waste about 10 or 15 minutes.

vikkitikkitavi said...

I would taunt you for your mental failings, but it just took me twenty minutes to figure out that I put my car keys in the freezer.

PG said...

Quote from the MG:

"Cat can't read, why you send cat letter? Cat can't read, no... no good, cat can't read..."

upon intercepting a postcard that was sent to our cat Betty while we were on vacation.

Creepy said...

Instead of milk try a shot of Jack Daniel's in your coffee. At least on the weekend...

lulu said...

I specialize in pouring my milk, no sugar coffee down the front of white shirts in a attempt to win some sort of wet tee-shirt contest at work.

Bluez said...

I broke my favorite coffee cup the other day, smashed in pieces on the tile floor. I am so depressed. I swear my coffee does not taste the same.

I would advise you to get a favorite back up coffee mug.

Black coffee sucks.

Madam Z said...

At least you have "a voice in (your) head" to help you you out. I'm all alone up there, and I usually end up starting all over, with a fresh cup, before finding the original one in the microwave, or refrigerator, or wastebasket.

Dale said...

I done what you made me do. I tot I taw a putty tat.

Distributorcap said...

i love black coffee - especially iced black coffee

Mnmom said...

I often find side dishes, still in the microwave the next morning, that I meant to serve at supper the night before.

And I also have made coffee without the grounds, and also usually spill it on white shirts. Perhaps it's just the human condition.

Beth said...

Black coffee is oh, so right, Dale.