Okay bitches....

Okay bitches.  Listen up.

(And by "bitches" I mean those of you who are complaining in any way, shape or form about our so-called "Obamacare.")

I know that swearing up a storm in a personal essay or blog post is at best a show of laziness and at worst a hallmark of unimaginative and unoriginal writing.  But sometimes, bitches, it just fucking needs to be done.

Because I am fucking sick and tired of listening to people on both sides of the aisle talk about what a "disaster" the Obamacare rollout has been.

I am sick of listening to the media harp on Obama's "lies" about people being able to keep their shitty, expensive plans with minimal coverage.  Boo fucking hoo.  For one thing, you are taking Obama's mistaken use of the word "period" too fucking literally.  Seriously, bitches.  Do you have nothing better to do than split hairs about what it means to "keep your plan"?  For example, can you possibly conceive of the notion that having a plan cancelled and then immediately replaced by a similar or better plan at a similar or better price could be construed as somewhere in the neighborhood of "keeping your plan"?

No?

Well then go fuck yourself, because I am tired listening to you bitch about your fucking little first-world problem.  You have a fucking insurance plan, so go fuck yourself after you get back from your doctor's appointment.  And have her prescribe you some anti-psychotics while you're there, because if you think this "problem" that this "liar" of a president caused you is a bigger problem than not having access to a health plan at all, you're too fucking insane and/or just plain stupid for me even to deal with.

That's right.  Fuck off.

And those of you who have nothing better to do than complain about the buggy websites needed to sign up for "Obamacare" can go fuck yourselves even harder.  That's right.  And please, fuck yourselves raw, with no lube.

Because guess what, bitches?  IT'S A FUCKING WEBSITE.  I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK IF THE WEBSITE IS NOT WORKING PERFECTLY.

What the fuck do you think this is, people?  For the first time in modern US history, we are at the cusp of joining the rest of the civilized fucking industrialized first world by guaranteeing basic healthcare to every citizen.  THAT is a FUCKING BIG DEAL, bitches.  If you can't look one inch beyond your little pea brains to recognize the magnitude of this achievement, go live on some fucking desert island because you don't even deserve to be here.

So we're worried about the "disaster" that this rollout has been, huh?  Well, bitches, try THIS on for a disaster:  Say you get laid off from your job where you're making a comfortable upper middle class income, something close to six figures, or just over six figures.  And you're 50.  Say your Cobra runs out and you still haven't found a job, because remember, you're fucking 50.  You probably carry a little more weight than is ideal, and you may have some hypertension or cholesterol issues.  Or you're a cancer survivor.  Or you have well managed diabetes.

Without Obamacare, what the FUCK are you expecting to do if you get sick?  Or get into a bad car accident?  Do you think any fucking insurance company is going to sign you up for a health policy?  At least one that provides any reasonable level of coverage?  FUCK NO.

You have a house, and some savings.  Do you think that if you get cancer, or a brain injury, or anything else that will cost a million fucking dollars to treat, that you will get to keep that house and savings as well as get medical treatment?  FUCK NO.

That house and those savings will be GONE in a matter of days, bitches.  And there won't be a goddamn thing you can do about it.  Everything you've worked for your whole fucking adult life will be GONE, just like that.  All because you got hit by some fucking uninsured drunk driver.  Or an insured one, even.  Or because you got cancer.  Or fell down and broke your spine. Etc. etc. etc.

I just don't understand you, bitches.  For the first time in modern US history, we can all go to bed and sleep at night because we now know that by law we are entitled to a reasonable health plan.

And that is such a fucking disaster.

Oh, but wait.  The website doesn't work.  Fuck the whole thing.  Let's just go back to the way it's been.  Just make sure you have a job until the day you're eligible for Medicare.  We all know from 2008-2009 how realistic THAT is.

That's right, bitches.  I'm done.  I'm going up the river and I'm taking names.

Shut the FUCK UP about Obamacare.  Unless you have something nice to say.



As everyone likes to say these days, THAT IS ALL.