CP's Pretend Interviews with Bloggers - Lulu Redux
We recently traveled to Bangladesh to sit down for another pretend-interview with blogger legend Lulu.
CP: So Lulu, how are you enjoying your fabulous ex-pat life?
Lulu: Why don't you read my blog and find out for yourself?
CP: Touchy touchy! But FYI, I do check in with you practically every day, not only because you are entertaining and are doing interesting things with your life, but also because I never know when the next monsoon or whatever other natural disaster is about to hit.
Lulu: I'm very impressed. But do you think my blog is going to inform you that I've been swept out into the Indian Ocean?
CP: Good point. But anyway, my Gentle Readers can click over to your blog if they want to read about Bangladesh. Today we're going to talk about more of our personal history.
Lulu: Imagine that. Well it's not like I have a choice anyway since you're the only one writing this.
CP: Once again, you are correct. In fact, why stop at pretending to interact with bloggers? Maybe I'll get a fake boyfriend I can pretend to have sex with while I'm at it. Or a fake job.
Lulu: You already have one of those.
CP: Very funny.
Lulu: So can we get to the story here? My driver's waiting. And why is it only me you do these fake interviews with? You label these posts "Pretend Interviews with Bloggers," not "Pretend Interviews with Lulu."
CP: Well, forgive me for making you the center of attention. Not much of a princess, are we?
Lulu: On second thought, carry on CP!
CP: Thank you. So I thought it would be fun if we relived the night you came out to my parents' house in that annoying Chicago suburb when we had dinner that time.
Lulu: Oh yes, that was a great night. What came first, the pot or the champagne?
CP: Who knows. Probably the pot, or else we wouldn't have gotten so involved trying to decipher the graphical instructions on the champagne bottle.
Lulu: You mean the picture of the guy pointing the cork side of the bottle right at his face, with the word NO printed in bold letters?
CP: That's the one! And don't forget the other picture of the lady with the bottle pointed AWAY from her, with the word YES.
Lulu: That was quite fun. We both kept grabbing the bottle to point and unpoint it while saying "NO, YES, NO YES...."
CP: See what I mean about the pot?
Lulu: Yes and no. I mean, I had to have been high to sit and do something that stupid for an extended period. You on the other hand....
CP: That's quite enough Lu.
Lulu: And when you went to look for the pot you started in on this stupid voice where you were pretending to be a suburban housewife looking for her drugs. You kept saying "Honey, where did you put the pot paraphernalia? The kids will be home soon. Honey?"
CP: I know, I'm really funny sometimes.
Lulu: Hilarious. Can I go now?
CP: Well wait a second. Isn't that also the night you first met my dad?
Lulu: Oh yes it was. He and your mom came home from a party and your dad decided I needed to hear some dirty joke involving a camel and a French tickler. Your mom was screaming and would not let him finish the story.
CP: Did you want to know how it ended?
Lulu: Um, no thanks.
CP: Well thanks again for pretending to answer our questions here at CPW, Lu. See you in July!
I am Coaster Punchman and you have just entered my world. I rule it with an iron fist, so if you're looking for First Amendment protection, you will not find it here. I have a now deceased crazy Chinese mother-in-law, and sometimes I wear Crocs around the house. I don't like flip-flops or Mormons. I'm also a cyberstalker by trade -- so I could look up all sorts of random shit about you if I wanted, but I probably won't because I'm pretty lazy.