Wednesday, November 12, 2008

A White Trash Christmas Story


Some of my Gentle Readers have been complaining that CPW has been too serious lately, what with all this political talk. Nothing like stripping people of their civil rights to kill a party- that's what we always said in my house growing up!


So I'm taking a break from pleading for your support to overturn Proposition 8, and will instead relate to you an amusing tale my pal Michael recently shared with me about his father's white trash relatives in Minnesota.


One Christmas, one of Michael's uncles offered to "host" the extended family for a party on Christmas Eve day. When the day arrived, people were told to convene at the local bowling alley instead of at the uncle's house.


When Michael and his parents and siblings arrived at the bowling alley they discovered a group of their white trash relatives mingling in the bar area; the uncle hadn't even reserved private lanes for them to bowl in. It was basically like any other Friday night in Cow-Shit Minnesota.


After Michael had resigned to relax and enjoy himself, one of his cousins came up to him and said "Hey Michael, someone's choking your brother over there."


Michael turned around and saw a large plaid-shirted lumberjack attempting to squeeze the very life out of his small-framed brother. By the time he went over to intervene, several other men had already tackled the lumberjack, setting the blue-faced brother free to retch and try to catch his breath.


Michael asked him what happened.


"Well, he was being really obnoxious trying to talk to Darla, and it seemed like she wanted him to leave her alone. So I went over and stood between them."


Apparently the lumberjack said "my, you're fragile little man" and proceeded to choke him.




Yeah, that's Christmas with the trashy relatives. Good times.

14 comments:

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Sounds like the gene pool I sprang from.

Mombi said...

Good story, but feel free to stay political! I like you both ways!

Elizabeth McQuern said...

How about a white trash/Prop 8 post? Something involving a bit more creative liberty than you usually take? :)

Bubs said...

Yee haw. My white trash cousins wouldn't have been prone to violence like that--they would've been busy going through their relatives' cars in the parking lot looking for stuff to steal.

Doc said...

CP, where did you get the photo of my tree?

Doc

Some Guy said...

If "The Big Lebowski" taught me anything, it's to keep your wits about you at the bowling alley. White trash, nihilists, you never know what kind of crazies you're gonna run into.

Creepy said...

Nothing like a good holiday story to warm the cockles.

Gifted Typist said...

It's beginning to look a lot like white trash.

lulu said...

did he pronounce it Fra-gee-lay? Like on A Christmas Story?

Madam Z said...

Hey! Don't be so hard on us bowlers! We're not all "white," for one thing, the bowling alley was probably cleaner than the uncle's house, for another thing, and...Michael's brother was quite heroic! The only bad guy in this story is that shite-trash lumberjack, IMO.

KK said...

Getting choked in a bowling alley bar during a Christmas celebration by a lumberjack?

Hollywood could'nt write that shit any better than that!!

Distributorcap said...

i hear the rockefeller center tree is going beer can this year

must have been reading this blog

Dale said...

You can take the trash out but not out of a story like this!

Chris said...

Priceless tale! The lumberjack part cracked me up the most. I could totally picture the scene.