In another recent entry she does a whole compare/contrast thing with reasons she's given people for breaking up vs. the real reasons that she never gave. This subject merits some further analysis over here at Coaster Punchman's World. Since I have proven myself incapable of having an original thought of my own, I am foverver subject to borrowing the brilliant ideas of others. At least I'm citing her as a reference.
So without further ado, here are some highlights of the real reasons I've broken up with people (the stated reason usually being something like "I just don't think we're a match" etc.)
Those of you who still think I'm a nice guy will probably change your minds after reading this. I guess this is the big unveiling. Even I didn't know what an asshole I am.
Break-ups with girls:
2. You’re a total damsel in distress. Unfortunately, I have a very strong “flight” instinct. I will run and leave you behind if we’re ever attacked on the street. Then your hot brother will kick my ass.
3. I’m not grossed out by you at all, but I don’t really get the boob thing.
Break-ups with guys:
1. And if you mention that god-damned Landmark Education course to me once more I swear I will kill you with my bare hands.
2. You took your fork that had egg yolk on it and dipped it into Alex's fancy little jar of strawberry preserves. That is so not ok that you did that.
3. You squatted down naked on your haunches to pick up the morning paper, and farted.
4. You got into the shower with me when I was getting ready to go to work.
5. Your feet are fucking ugly.
6. You talked stupid to your cats the first morning we woke up in bed together.
7. I love you to death and would marry you in a second if I didn't want to puke at the thought of having sex with you.
8. You told me you're a registered sex offender. You had sex with a 12 year old when you were 21. I know you're sorry and from what I've seen you don't seem like a dangerous child molester. But I cannot get past it. Sorry.
9. You're just kind of gross. I thought you were cute when I first met you, but I must have been on crack. Get the fuck out of my house.
10. On our first date you wore gold chains with your shirt unbuttoned half-way down your chest.
11. I actually kind of like you, but I'm dumping your ass just to even the score a little. And it is taking you 10 years to finish school. I suspect you may be a loser.
12. You told me you like just about any kind of music except for country-western or heavy metal. Shut the fuck up.