Saturday, June 17, 2006

Straight girls for hot guy on guy action!

One of my favorite couples is a pair of lawyers I used to work with named Brad & Carrie. They have been dating for four years and living together for about two. Brad has mentioned that they should start thinking about moving it to the next level, but Carrie says she doesn't want any part of the legal institution of marriage in the US until the time that her gay friends can enjoy the same privilege. "Why should Brad & I be able to get married while you & George can't?" she told me.

While I applaud Carrie's efforts to encourage socio-political reform in this regard, I feel that she could help me more by working to end the gender stereotypes regarding the perceived hotness of guy on guy action.

"Come on, Carrie. How many lecherous comments has Brad ever made asking you to kiss one of your girlfriends full on the mouth? How many times has he coyly suggested some sort of menage a trois? Why aren't you demanding equal time from him with one of his buddies?"

She said I had a point, although she doesn't necessarily have this exact problem with Brad, seeing as how he worked in a gay strip club before law school and generally doesn't require much coaxing to do anything lecherous. Which is why we're such good friends.

Anyway, I told Carrie she should start making an issue of this. Joey & Chandler were willing to give up their apartment to watch Monica and Rachel kiss for one minute on "Friends." I think Monica & Rachel should have been demanding that Joey & Chandler wrestle nude in a tub of lime-green jello. Not that I necessarily want to watch Joey & Chandler specifically, but fair is fair!

Carrie agreed with me completely on this, but conditioned her agreement on the fact that the gay porn producers need to start creating more women-friendly work, including more romantic dialogue, softer lighting, less hard-core action & more soft-core hotness. She practically waxed poetic as she described in great detail the "problems" with one of the harder-core gay films she had seen recently - a description that the elderly ladies standing next to us outside the bar didn't seem to enjoy as much as Brad and I did. But that's New York.

So Carrie is all for it, and I'm encouraging her to spread the news far & wide amongst her girlfriends. Start demanding some hot guy-on-guy action between your straight boyfriends! Withhold sex from them until they agree to two-minute liplocks with each other! Request nude wrestling photos from their college years!

We here at CPW wholly support the continued struggle for gender equity!

11 comments:

lulu said...

Ummm.... I seem to remember *you* offering Jane and I money to make out in a bar in LA. Yet you didn't offer Steve and Scott money to make out at the bar in the W on your birthday. Maybe you are guilty of perpetuating straight girl on girl action yourself.

Coaster Punchman said...

I only offered because I thought you'd do it.

lulu said...

You offered us 100 bucks. That doesn't buy nearly enough therapy.

Coaster Punchman said...

100 bucks? Was I on crack? Most guys would do it for 20.

And would making out with Jane require therapy afterward?

lulu said...

Jane and I met a girl in a bar once who was telling us how this man offered her and her sister a million dollers to have sex together in front of him, and her sister looked at her and said "A million dollars buys a lot of therapy."

She and I have been friends for almost 30 years, it would be like making out with my sister....if I had a sister.

And no, no crack, but we had been drinking heavily for several days.

Coaster Punchman said...

Well anyway, straight guys would make out for free if their girlfriends would make them. That's why we need you to sign on to this project.

lulu said...

ummm......I would need a boyfriend first. If you can find me one of those, I will gladly encourage him to make out with other men.

Coaster Punchman said...

Consider it done.

Echo, you still there?'

Echo said...

I think your argument is missing an angle, Crouder Poachman. Women get propositioned to engage in hot girl on girl action all the time. I imagine that in most cases the answer is a resounding NO.

Now, maybe they need to request a trade, and not of the "player to be named later" variety or of the sex for hot action variety. The stakes need to be higher for anyone to step outside of their comfort zone depending on how badly you want your significant other to do your bidding.

Fine you want hot girl on girl action - it has to be reciprocated with hot guy on guy action. Straight folks requesting this of the other now have to consider how badly do they want it. If nothing else it kills the question dead in its tracks if that's the goal....

Coaster Punchman said...

Crouder Poachman? Who am I with you, Derwood?

Echo said...

We will now begin referring to you as "The Inimitable Coaster Punchman"...er...naahhhh