Wednesday, March 09, 2011

New-Friend-Dating and Brain-Crazy-Stalking

I had a very nice New-Friend-Date (see yesterday's post) the other night. We got along really well, had a lot to talk about, laughed at each others’ jokes and generally found each other to be good company. Ok, well I felt all of the above regarding John, my New Friend. I can’t be certain he returned my fondness, but let’s just suspend our disbelief and assume he did.

You may recall that I’m a cyberstalker by trade, so I can find out all sorts of weird shit about people online. But I’m also a brain-crazy-stalker, meaning that when I meet a new person who interests me on any level, I develop an intense need to get inside their head to discover the crazy.

In case you were not aware, Gentle Readers, it is a fact that everybody is crazy on some level. Everybody. Some people hide their crazy very well, however, and sometimes it takes a mildly retarded Punchman with legal training and a penchant for cross-examinations to get to the crux of a personality and find the crazy. Plus, with me there is the added benefit of an uncanny ability to smell crazy from fifteen miles away, having spent the majority of my childhood around the clinically insane.

Brain-Crazy-Stalking is a delicate operation, and I especially need to keep tabs on myself while engaged therein. If I find myself able to crack open someone’s crazy even a tiny bit, it becomes an enormous struggle for me not to let what should be some casual social questioning bloom into a full-on interrogation.

With all of the above in mind, my gentle probing into John’s unique character and personality flaws revealed the following:

John is a picky eater. He will not eat any kind of onion, mushroom or pepper. He doesn’t want anything spicy, and shuns almost all fish. He refuses to eat any kind of meat containing a bone ---- everything must be boned or filleted. He said he likes Chinese food unless it’s something slimy that he can’t recognize. (Hence, most Chinese food will surely gross him out.) He also refuses to handle any kind of raw meat because it scares him. So when he cooks at home it’s vegetarian.

And all this is despite the fact that John has lived abroad multiple times. I asked him about that and he just said “it was hard, REALLY hard.”

I’m normally very put off by finicky eaters, but John is entertaining enough in other ways that I find myself able to write it off as a charming quirk. If he’ll let me make fun of him about his food phobias, we might be able to go places with this relationship. Plus, the picky eater thing is offset by two other important facts: John drinks alcohol, and John has a cat.

So, for now, I’m ready to move my New Friend up to second date status --- assuming I make the cut on his end. I need to wait the requisite amount of time before emailing John again, remembering that he’s operating from the position of power here. (i.e., he already has friends whereas I do not.) We’ll see where that goes. But no matter what happens, Gentle Readers, I will keep you well informed.

Love and coasters,

PS: I just learned from our mutual friend that John is also a bit of a hypochondriac. I will definitely need to investigate that more fully!


Mnmom said...

I believe my crazy just sits there begging to be noticed, like a giant hat with flowers and a peacock feather.

Picky eaters I don't understand. My husband claims eating brownies or cake warm gives him a stomachache. I'm sorry but that's just weird right there.

Flannery Alden said...

I so dig for the crazy, too! Just last weekend, I recruited Doc, his sister and her husband to get into the head of a new friend of ours.

I've had minimal contact with this guy, but I've examined every facet of every fact I've collected.

He's a tough nut to crack and I could use more help (my deputies kind of fell down on the job). Maybe you could do a post where you shared best practices for harvesting crazy and stalking?

GrizzBabe said...

I don't necessarily go digging for crazy but I do ask a lot of questions in an effort to learn what makes a person tick. Sometimes the ticking mechanism is powered by crazy.

GETkristiLOVE said...

Too bad I don't live in San Diego because I'd love to have my crazy analyzed while we sat around bitching and moaning, and downed wine and said pork products.

Dale said...

I fully admit to being crazy and agree, it's in all of us. I hope you do get a second date in, I'm intrigued.