I've decided that whenever someone doesn't like me, it's because they are a Catholic. Not all Catholics hate me, but almost everyone who hates me is a Catholic. It's like a special subsect within Catholicism: you got your normal Saturday night Catholics; you got your Marians; and then you got your CP-haters.
The thing I've been wondering about is, what is it about their Papism that makes the CP-hating Catholics hate me?
It may be because I have some sort of subconscious disdain toward Catholicism. Although I'm not aware of ever having said anything particularly mean about Catholics, at least one person has accused me of this. I have an ex-boyfriend, who shall remain nameless for the moment, who secretly converted to Catholicism while we were dating and kept it hidden from me for fear I wouldn't like him any more. It was one of the funniest things ever to happen to me. I remember how I found out about this when I asked him if he wanted to do something with me on Easter Sunday.
"Uh. . . I'm busy that day," he replied.
"Oh. Well, what are you doing?"
"Just something. You wouldn't be interested."
Hmm. A statement like that would pique anyone's interest.
"What is it?"
"It's something at church."
"M's church." M was his closest friend.
"Isn't he Catholic?"
"Well, what are you doing at his church on Easter? Are you playing?" Sometimes he made extra money as a church musician.
"No, I'm not playing. If you must know, I'm getting confirmed."
"You're getting confirmed."
"As a Catholic."
"How long have you been planning this?"
"About three months."
Three months. My boyfriend, whom I saw at least four times a week, often for overnight, had been preparing to convert to Catholicism for three months and I had no idea.
"Why on earth didn't you tell me this?"
"Because you don't like Catholics, and if you knew I was becoming one I thought you wouldn't like me any more."
I questioned him extensively on this last bit, because I was thoroughly confused. Apparently, I had once uttered the words "I have no use for Catholics" to him and he took me literally. I didn't even remember saying it.
I was raised Lutheran after all, the religion that launched the Reformation. It's in our culture to denounce the Pope; it's central to our purpose as a religion. So I suppose it's only natural that the occasional trace of anti-Catholic vitriol should escape our lips. It's like a reflex. Completely involuntary.
But I certainly never wanted to offend or scare away any of the Catholics that I know.
From that day forward, I took a solemn vow to be nicer to my Papist friends and never again make fun of them for purchasing indulgences or any of that other crap they do.
I am Coaster Punchman and you have just entered my world. I rule it with an iron fist, so if you're looking for First Amendment protection, you will not find it here. I have a now deceased crazy Chinese mother-in-law, and sometimes I wear Crocs around the house. I don't like flip-flops or Mormons. I'm also a cyberstalker by trade -- so I could look up all sorts of random shit about you if I wanted, but I probably won't because I'm pretty lazy.