Thursday, November 16, 2006

Fun with Gross Tag


Although I have already graced the Internets with my list of 100 things, I've been tagged by our friend Megan with a request to post five more things you don't know about me. I think for fun I will make this a game of Gross Tag, where I have to post the five grossest memories I can come up with.

1. When I was a kid, my dog Amos used to take enormous dumps. My friend Jenny and I would walk him together and watch him take his dumps because at the end, this little drop of white substance would come out of his butt. We were fascinated by what we called "the little white thing." One time we were eating vanilla ice cream out of bowls and Jenny said "what if this was a bowlful of those little white things?"

2. One time my college roommate and I decided to egg our other roommate while he was taking a shower. He got mad, but it was funny. Unfortunately, the eggs we used were rotten, which caused the smell to be extra nasty. After my roommate got out of the shower, I felt guilty and decided to clean up the mess for him. So I got down on my hands & knees to wipe up the rotten eggs, which by that time were mixed with all sorts of soap scum and body hair. It was so gross that it made me throw up in the shower. Then I had to clean that up, too.

3. My mom got a blood clot just under the surface of the skin of her leg. We didn't know what it was, since it just looked like a big red blotch. But she was in tremendous pain, so we took her to the emergency room. While we were in the waiting room, she said "I think it's starting to weep." "Weep?" I thought. "What the hell does that mean?" When we finally got her into an examining room, the doctor removed her pants and saw that the red blotch had burst open to ooze all sorts of blood and puss. Every single medical professional who entered the room winced when they first saw it. You know it's bad when the doctors are wincing.

4. When my cat Betty was just a kitten, I discovered she loved the taste of ear wax - I had been itching my ear with my finger, and when I was done she started licking my finger voraciously. You had to be careful not to leave your ears exposed around her or she'd go after you like a bear to honey. Several times I woke up to find her tongue halfway down my ear canal.

5. One time on the way to work my eye started itching really badly. It felt like something was trapped in it, but no amount of blinking or rubbing seemed to help. Finally, when I got to work, I went into the bathroom to examine myself in the mirror. I pulled open my lower eyelid and discovered a live bug, about the size of a flea, crawling around inside my eyelid. Lovely.

That's about it for tonight. I now tag all of you to post your grossest memories.

Thanks for playing!

29 comments:

Creepy said...

Wow, I thought I had emptied the contents of my stomach after reading #2. Then after reading #4 I discovered I was wrong.

Dale said...

I'm pretty horrified by each item and applaud you on challenging yourself, following through and making me throw up a little. I'm not sure I like that photo of you though.

lulu said...

I just read #4 to my mom over the phone. She howled.
As did I.

Martin said...

Crap! I read 1 and half of another and wondered why am I reading this. I never see horror films.

I still think you're a wonderful person but forgive me if I don't call for a few weeks, ok?

Coaster Punchman said...

Come on Creepy, I know you can out-gross me. I look forward to it.

Thanks Dale. This is more of my "give till it hurts" posting that you requested.

Lu, were you howling like cats, or just laughing?

Martin, I'm sure you have plenty of your own horror tales - why not start a blog and inflict them on us?

Bubs said...

Oh good lord. I would have trouble topping these.

All my gross out stories involve cadavers.

Anonymous said...

Those are stunningly gross, yet hilarious. I dearly hope #1 is gone from my memory the next time I eat vanilla ice cream.

P.S. My verification word is eywaxew. Eye wax, Eew!

Beth said...

Well, I won't need breakfast this morning. I'll start putting together my five.

Anonymous said...

I cannot stop laughing!!! Grossness coming soon.

Grant Miller said...

I'm glad I read this. It's brought me closer to you.

Dale said...

It's brought us all closer to something newGrant.

Tenacious S said...

Okaaay.....glad I read that before dinner or I might have had a gross moment to report. I wonder how hard it would be to clean puke out of a keyboard?

PG rating, NOT! said...

Dear CPW readers:

Of course you do realize that none of these grossnesses come anywhere close to what the Mama G is capable of. Unfortunately, kind readers, it would be difficult to extract these filthy tidbits since all thing seem totally normal to her (such as the time I was cleaning her kitchen and found a piece of cardboard under the counter that was so dirty and filth encrusted that a mouse got caught in it and died, leaving a heap of defecate and a rotting corpse for me to clean). But that's just the tip of the iceberg and I am a good Christian, somewhere, at heart.

jin said...

Ewwwwww! *jin stifles a giggle*
That's just WRONG!

Forgive me if I don't play this time?

Anonymous said...

I couldn't resist the challenge and came up with my own five gross moments. I may curse you if my blog traffic suddenly drops to nothing after that entry.

Coaster Punchman said...

Bubs, oh yes please, we need cadaver stories.

Slippers, I just read yours and am still in awe.

Beth, I eagerly await your list.

Old Lady, yours are also admiringly disgusting.

Grant, we certainly encourage closeness and bonding over here at CPW.

Dale, brought you all closer to what? Another look at yesterday's lunch?

Ten-S, speaking of cleaning puke out a keyboard, I ALMOST posted one about having to clean puke out of small crevices, but I thought it was just too much, if you can believe that.

Poor George, don't horn in on my Mama Gin series please. I still have a lot of material to produce on that.

Aw, come on Jin, you know you've got a few you need to share. I would just be sure to put them on UNPLUGGED and not your food site.

GrizzBabe said...

I spent part of the day reading a book by David Sedaris and I laughed so hard and so much that I cried and didn't think I had anything left in me. And then, I came here.

Anonymous said...

Ooo, a Mama Gin mousetrap. Maybe you can market them!

Molecular Turtle said...

I have to say you're the king of gross stories. 3 and 5 have to be the worst stories I've ever heard. I think you're next post should be pretties memories you have so that I can begin healing my mind. :)

Anonymous said...

A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of his fly. As he walks up to the bar the bartender says, "Hey pal, you know you've got a steering wheel coming out of your fly?"

And the pirate says "R it's driving me nuts!"

Is that gross enough? I can also entertain for T-day :}:}:}:}:}

Anonymous said...

Doesn't it just figure the first time I come here to visit I read this post as I'm eating my turkey on rye? Even if I could muster up 5 gross things, NOTHING could beat number 2 & 3, not that 1,4&5 were'nt gag material either...

Mr Punchman, you are very entertaining, I'll be back...

Coaster Punchman said...

Grizzbabe, David Sedaris is a hero to just about everyone in our blog circle - I laugh heartily at just about everything he writes. Thanks for reminding me to pull him off my shelf once again!

Old Lady, perhaps we can cut out the middleman and just market Mama Gin herself...do you have a bid to submit?

Turtle-boy, pretty memories?? What's that?

Careful with the dirty jokes Marg, you might start to sound like our uncle/brother combo....

Bluez, thanks for reading & posting!

Dale said...

What's he doing on your shelf? Don't knock the little fellow down! I just bought his sister's book on entertaining 'I Like You'.

Coaster Punchman said...

Have you read it yet? I have noticed it in the store windows. I hate to say it, but when I saw her play "Wigfield" I was kind of disappointed. I bought the book too - same deal. Although I worship Strangers with Candy, I like Amy mostly from David's descriptions of her in his books, especially the thing with the fat suit. Har har har!

Anonymous said...

Ew. I have a story I might not want to actually post on my blog (although I might) involving, when we were children, my brother dog-sitting for the neighbors. I'll share it with all of you lucky folks here!

The dog was always nervous when the neighbors were gone, and would poo in her indoor concrete-floored kennel instead of going in the yard, as she would when the family was home. My brother always walked into the dog's inside kennel (linked to an easily accessible outdoor run) to find a big pile of sloppy poo, which he would then move to gaggingly clean up, and inevitably throw up in the middle of.

The dog (whose name was Dandy - somehow this is important to the story) would then eat his puke, before he could get to it. The next time he visited, it would be the same thing all over again, and of course, it was actually his vomit she was pooping, which then inspired his next round of puking.

We still laugh disgustedly at this sometimes, and refer to it as "the circle of life."

Coaster Punchman said...

Bella, you may have topped us all with that one. Recycled puke from human to dog back to human. Yum.

Reminds me of my two cats - one was bulimic (he would eat really fast and promptly throw up) - and then the other cat would eat the puke. Charming.

Anonymous said...

You know, CP, that wasn't quite what I had in mind. . .

Prego said...

I'd say the 'weep' thing tops your list. The bug one is a close second, but it echoes something I read in a book about the fist millenium, where people were so infested with parasites, it was common for a worm of some sort to come out of the eye socket. I bet you that'd have been a real date killer back then, eh?

Funny stuff.

Here's
a couple grosseties for your perusal.

Coaster Punchman said...

It may not be what you had in mind, Megan, but it may be even better.

Prego, all I can say about your gross stories is touche!