George swears I start to change each time an encounter with my family approaches. He claims I get moody and anxious.
For years I have denied this, because I really didn't think it was true. But now I'm starting to think he may be right. What else would have prompted me last week to post that arguably mean spirited entry about our family vacation from hell? Could it be because we have another one coming up?
In two days, Poor George and I will head to the Wisconsin Dells for a one-week vacation in a house my mom rented for the entire family. All of us. It's almost tragic how this came about, because the whole conversation I had with my mom about six months ago had started out so innocently.
"So Mom, your 50th wedding anniversary is coming up! What would you like to do to celebrate?" I was thinking she'd choose to have a banquet like my godparents Audrey & Louie had, with about 300 attendees.
"Hmmm, I'll have to think about that. We can do anything I want?"
"Sure, Mom! Just name it!"
"Well, what I'd really like is to have all of us together for a vacation for a week. Maybe in the Wisconsin Dells? I'll ask Marg to see if she can find us a house to rent. Oh, this will be so exciting!"
Yeah, exciting is the word all right. I think I immediately broke out into hives.
"Well Mom, that sounds kind of . . . expensive. I'm not sure everyone has the money for something that grandiose."
"Oh that's no problem, your dad and I will pay for everything! This will be so much fun! I just hope your brother doesn't decide to act up."
I politely reminded her that we have a better chance at winning the lottery than we do at avoiding one of Rich's violent outbursts within a seven day window. Beyond that, I didn't know what to say. I was still trying to recover from the shock at the mere mention of a family vacation.
I really need to learn to start lying to save my ass. I am a God damned lawyer after all - shouldn't I be able to conjure up a work emergency?
"Well, ok, if you're sure that's what you want." Lame.
So there you have it. We're off to Wisconsin on Saturday. I heard the house has wi-fi, so I'll probably be bringing my laptop so that I can give you updates from the road.
If you are religious, please start praying now. And if you're an atheist, you can still pray to Chrissie Hynde.
I am Coaster Punchman and you have just entered my world. I rule it with an iron fist, so if you're looking for First Amendment protection, you will not find it here. I have a now deceased crazy Chinese mother-in-law, and sometimes I wear Crocs around the house. I don't like flip-flops or Mormons. I'm also a cyberstalker by trade -- so I could look up all sorts of random shit about you if I wanted, but I probably won't because I'm pretty lazy.