Sunday, October 01, 2006

Is CP the next Little Miss Sunshine?


Gentle Readers,

Within this post lies my entry in the First Annual Little Miss Sunshine Online Pageant.

“Where is CP’s childhood photo?” you may ask. Well, Gentle Readers, the picture you are about to see is so disturbing, so graphic, and so hideous that I consider it my solemn duty to provide you with the most dire of warnings. Gentle Readers, you must guard your eyes until you have accepted that you will behold the most unattractive child ever to grace this planet.

At the bottom of this post is a link to my third grade school picture, taken not long after my plunge off a ten-foot wall in front of our church. If my mother had known how ugly I would turn out to be, she might have considered leaving me on the pile of rocks where I had been knocked unconscious.

I did not lose any teeth as a result of my infamous fall, but from the looks of my mouth in this photo I may as well have.

And I don’t know what’s up with the Indian dot between my eyes. I think it's a smudge on the photo itself, but for all I know I probably had a gigantic wart growing right out of my forehead. If I had a kid who looked like this, I’d put him up for adoption.

Now Gentle Readers, after all that I’ve told you, if you still wish to continue you may do so at your peril by clicking here.

(See links to the other contestants on Beth's blog.)

33 comments:

Beth said...

I wish I could sign that cast. I would have hearted you!

lulu said...

You weren't at all ugly, you were just gawky. You still have the same beautiful eyes that you did then, and the same smile, albeit with straighter teeth.

I've known you for what, 22 years at this point? And you have gotten better and better looking. I should be so lucky.

jin said...

*jin stifles a giggle*

You are very cute, although the teeth are a bit... shall we say.... distracting?

(I never did find ONE class photo of mine...my Mom did, however, recover a photo album with a few piccies of moi in all my awkward 'Brooke Shields eyebrows' glory. I'll post them within the month.)

Dale said...

Oh man, I thought I was bad! Wait a minute, I was. If only I could blame it on taking the plunge like you did. :-) Great photo CP and the post to go with it was funny too.

Barbara said...

Great pic of yet one more nerdy kid. Too bad we didn't all know each other back then. Can you imagine the posts we would have written at age 10?

Marni said...

Very funny story! You are a doll...

Mother of Invention said...

I think it's precious! You were so proud of that cast to hold it up for the pic! How did you break it? I broke my wrist in Gr. 3 falling on an ice slide.

Dan said...

Man, that story reminds me of a couple of similar ones I had as a kid.

One was standing too closely to a guy swatting bees with a tennis racket. The result? A nice square scar on my forehead. Why did he swat bees with a racket? No idea. A better question would be, why the hell was I standing next to a guy swatting bees??

The other story is similar to the first but with an outcome like yours. We used to practice swinging a baseball bat with a ball stuck on a pole attached to another pole powered by a bug rubberband. Confused? Best I can do. Anyway, you hit the ball-on-a-stick and it goes around and around, and then it'll come back around (via rubberband power). Anyway, I thought that was way cool and wanted a better look. Next thing I know, I'm looking up at the kids standing around me. Apparently, I had gotten a little too close.

Amazing I turned out the way I did. Or, is it? Hmm...

*sorry for the long comment*

Scrivener said...

Oh come on, that picture's not so bad. You would never ever be so critical of anyone else's picture from back then.

Coaster Punchman said...

Beth, my friend Patti (mentioned in the story of the Great Fall) did indeed "heart" the cast and I think you can see it if you enlarge & look closely. Not that you'd want to scare yourself by making that picture any larger.

Lu, you're sweet, but who are we kidding here? The kid in that picture is a train wreck. So what if I became a bit of a swan in later years?

Jin, again, I think you should do Brooke Shields' eyebrows in cake frosting.

Dale, you were a good looking kid. But you should go rent Ma Vie En Rose to see what I'm talking about in reference to your second photo!

Barbara, I often think things like "what if I had known so-and-so as a child?" It usually ends badly in my head.

Thanks Marni - maybe one of those evil dolls from an old "Twilight Zone" episode.

Mother, I wasn't given a choice regarding having the cast in the picture. I wanted to hide it, but the photographer wouldn't let me. Now I'm glad she didn't, because it's a story I can always tell and show physical proof that it really happened. (Story of the breaking of the arm is in a link within the post.)

Dan, I am indeed confused by the double pole ball description, but that's ok. I'm glad that you were able to survive your curious nature. And we encourage long posts over here at CPW.

Scrivener, oh yes, I would. I'm one mean SOB! It just happens that all the others I've seen so far have been cute.

mellowlee said...

Awwww !!! Poor little third grade you! I see that cast had plenty of signatures on it. Lulu is right about the eyes :)

Dale said...

I searched for the images and then went to imdb.com. Now I know what you mean. Oh Lordy.

Coaster Punchman said...

Thanks Mellowlee! It's true - that's the fun part for accident prone kids - getting everyone to sign the cast.

Dale, I'm laughing out loud now. But you should really see the movie - it's wonderful - heartbreaking, but wonderfully told. That little kid was so normal and had such a clean slate until everyone in his life freaked out on him.

Dale said...

It's a laugh - laugh situation. Your description probably fits all of us in some way CP - normal until everyone else shows up and gets crazy.

Jeremy said...

That's perfect. Little boys and casts go together.

Mother of Invention said...

Oh, what was I thinkin'?! Thanks. Left a comment on that link.

Tanya Espanya said...

So cute! You look like my friend Joyce's son, Kevin. And I wouldn't have noticed the 'dot' if you hadn't brought it up.

Coaster Punchman said...

Dale, I agree. Other people are really a problem.

Jeremy, you're correct. I was quite proud of my little cast while I wore it.

Mother, I responded to your comment on the link - let's just say I'm shocked an appalled by the neglectfulness of your parents! Not that I can really judge - I'm sure I'd be about the worst parent in the world. But still!

Tanya, you are too kind, but I appreciate it nonetheless.

Jacob's Mom said...

I think you're the cutest...biased tho' I may be!!

Grant Miller said...

Glad to see you made a full recovery.

Dystopia said...

At least you were popular enough to have a bunch of people sign your cast.

Bubs said...

The dot IS a bit of a mystery, but you look like a fine young man.

PinkFluffySlippers said...

Aw, not bad at all. Very cute in the nose/eyes/hair area. And broken bones were kinda cool at that age.

Coaster Punchman said...

Sis, thanks. It was all because you drove me to the hospital.

Grant, who's recovered? I'm still suffering.

Dystopia, not everyone who signed it liked me. They just didn't want to be left out. But thanks.

Thanks, Bubs. You look like a fine young Shriner.

Pink, you're very diplomatic. That kind of talk will help you if you ever want to go into politics, or judge a beauty pageant.

Tumuli said...

You were adorable, CP!

Coaster Punchman said...

Thanks, Tumuli. Maybe I'll follow up with some school pictures that are a little more normal looking.

justacoolcat said...

See, finally someone that played like they were supposed with a picture from the awkward times.

Nice work, right down to the Indian dot.

I'll bet you used that exotic appeal to get all the girls to love you.

charles ravndal said...

That is a nice pageant. Ahh you look so adorable.

Coaster Punchman said...

Oh yeah Cool Cat, most of the girls liked me, but only because I was tall.

Charles, thanks. Oh and if you're a chef you should check out our pastry chef friend at Jintrinsique (on my link list.)

Anonymous said...

Yep, that's nerdy alright. Your teeth were what my students call scramblin'. . .

Old Lady said...

Cutsey wootsie smoochie one you are-Okay we gotta get Echo, he whimped out!

Coaster Punchman said...

Megan, here here. Scramblin' sounds about right.

Old Lady, Echo posted a picture that I really wish was him, but he claims it to be Grant Miller.

Anonymous said...

ohh I think you look cute