Tuesday, October 03, 2006

I've been tag-teamed! (Wait, that didn't come out right...)


1) Would you bungee jump? No. In fact, hell no.

2) If you could do anything in the world for a living what would it be? Direct pornographic movies. In color.

3) Your favorite fictional animal? Probably Ralph, the Mouse on the Motorcycle. Or maybe the Cheshire cat.

4) One person who never fails to make you laugh? Mindy, Lulu and Michael J. (who is too important to read this blog.)

5) When you were 12 years old what did you want to be when you grew up? I had my head in my ass when I was 12. Being an adult seemed too far off to worry about such things.

6) What is the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning? Mama Gin imitations. She once told me to come upstairs to get the laundry out of the dryer because she wanted to go to bed. She kept saying “I old. I sleeping.” So whenever I’m sleepy (as I am when I first wake up) I usually say “I sleeping.”

7) Have you ever gone to therapy? None of your damn business.

8) If you could have one super power what would it be? I always envied Samantha Stevens. So I guess I’d be a warlock, except I wouldn't let my husband stop me from using my awesome powers. I’m not sure if that counts as "one" magic power, though.

Another fantasy I have is that I could make the world go in slow motion so that I'd be really good at tennis. But then I always think that someone would figure out what I’m doing, and expose me as a cheater to the rest of the universe. I can’t even have fun in my fantasies.

9) Your favorite cartoon character?

Stimpy.


10) Do you go to church? Not as often as I imagine I would like to. It turns out that I like the idea of being religious more than I like being religious. I have a real commitment problem with that stuff.

11) What is your best childhood memory? One time I was at a party at the home of one of my dad’s music friends. I was lying on the couch, and my dad’s friend came over and started petting me like a cat. (It was completely non-creepy, and there were no bad touches. Plenty of people around, too.) I would have purred if I had the ability.

12) Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual? This question is too complicated. It goes without saying that I think everyone should have the same right to marry.

13) Do you own a gun? I think we have a staple gun somewhere in the boiler room where we keep our tools.

14) Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex? In high school I was drunk at a party, and my friend Coleen kept making me laugh so hard that I would slap her on the back. Finally she said “stop hitting me! That is not a masculine thing to do!” Then I felt shame.

15) Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people? Many times, more as part of a group than as a soloist.

16) What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? I always check for cleft palates and harelips.

17) What is your biggest mistake? Worrying too much about money when I was fresh out of college. For as little money as I made at first, I should have just searched high and low for something really interesting to do, even if it paid minimum wage starting out.

18) Say something totally random about yourself. I have a few Tourettes-like behaviors that are starting to alarm me. Lately I’ve been doing the Peewee Herman spaz hands whenever I’m working in the kitchen. I have no idea why I do that.

19) Has anyone ever said that you looked like a celebrity?

In high school, people said I looked like Matt Dillon.


In college, I became Ivan Lendl.


More recently, a friend commented that Tobey Maguire's mouth and chin remind her of me.


Personally, I think that from certain angles I resemble Abigail, the Fugitive Kitty (who is a celebrity by virtue of her appearance on Stuff On My Cat.)


20) What is the most romantic thing someone of the opposite sex has done for you? This guy once drove to my house in West Hollywood at five in morning right after the Northridge earthquake, to make sure I was OK. That was really sweet. But then he ruined it about half an hour later by taking his breakfast fork, which was covered with yolk from the egg he was eating, and dipping it right into my friend’s jar of fancy strawberry preserves. WTF?

21) Do you actually read these when other people fill them out? Oddly enough, yes, I do.


I tag: My sister. Tumuli. And I think it's time we hear from the Molecular Turtle.

23 comments:

Green Earth said...

I've discovered some very interesting info on you from these questions.

Enjoyed your visit to `A Green Earth' and your special comment.

lulu said...

Awww, I'm flattered that I make you laugh.
I think I pick my friends based on their ability to make me laugh.

Beth said...

Excellent. I have to admit, I love reading these, too.

Jacob's Mom said...

I dood it.

Dale said...

Great answers.

What would happen if your first big porn feature was about naked bungee jumpers and you needed the money shot?

Grant Miller said...

You are a wise man. I always check for hare lips too.

Coaster Punchman said...

Green Earth, I'll check in with you some more.

Lu, my mom still quotes a few of your one liners.

Thanks Beth. I wonder who started this whole "tag" business anyway?

I readed it, Sis.

We'd do what we always do in the industry, Dale, and create a fake one using cream rinse or conditioner. (too many commas perhaps?)

There's more where that came from, Grant.

lulu said...

She does? Which ones?

Coaster Punchman said...

Her favorite is when you were complaining about your parents. She recited her standard line to to the tune of "well, your parents probably did the best they could." You replied rather flatly "they could have done better."

Lani said...

The Queer Chef pimped me here.

Nice blog, CP. You're good-looking.

lulu said...

Yeah, that sounds like me at 20. At least I hope it was me at 20 and not me at 30.

I was an annoying little shit, wasn't I?

Jacob's Mom said...

Yeah so could ours CP...I wish they had been grown up!!
And LuLu if you read this, no matter what age you were you were right on point!!

Molecular Turtle said...

Great stuff CP, I've missed reading your blog. I'd have to agree you do look like toby and I have to laugh when i'm reminded of Stimpy. I'll be posting my stuff come the weekend. Keep the good stuff coming:)

wonderturtle said...

Ralph S. Mouse! We totally had the same childhood bookshelf. And re-read the same books over and over.

Echo said...

Recommend you go by Stimpy Maguire from now on...

Anonymous said...

Your superpowers made me laugh my ass off!

lulu said...

Stimpy Maguire is a great alias, wouldn't work as a porn name though, too close to Stumpy.

jacob's mom--They could have done a better job, but when I read the horror stories that many people write about their families, I realize that my parents were actually pretty great.

Anonymous said...

why no bungee jumping???? I liked it.

MG said...

I sleeping.

Old Lady said...

It's Thursday and I need to confess!

jin said...

Ok, after having a grand total of roughly 9 hours of sleep since Wednesday I DID find enough concentration to read this post.

However, I can't think of a damn thing to say except, maybe,
"I want sleeping now."

Coaster Punchman said...

Lani, thank you for visiting all the way from the Phillipines. I LOVE the food photos on your blog. You should visit our friend Jin (on my link list.)

Lu, you just have a way with words. You know that's the main reason I've always adored you. You don't even have to try - it just comes naturally, which means we love you for you. Isn't that nice? Oh, and your mom is great too. I regularly quote her line about the Moonies. Blog that one sometime.

Sis, yeah, what you said.

Molecular Turtle, right back at ya. I became enamored of your blog at your first Cadbury Creme Egg experiment, and I haven't looked away since. I anxiously await your list.

Wonderturtle, Lulu suggested that we might really, really love each other in person. We'll have to make that happen soon. Although I'm much less entertainig in person, so it's sure to be a disappointment for you.

Echo, Tonight! We sail! Nice boobs, by the way.

Megan, just about every post of yours makes me laugh my ass off. Except for the ones that are meant to be serious & thought provoking. You should be careful with a shallow guy like me reading your blog.

Katy, if I had to choose bungee jumping over being killed or raped or something, I would do it. I just wouldn't do it voluntarily. Although it could feasibly be fun, I would just be too freaked out and scared to enjoy it. Therefore, why do it?

MG: Very funny, George.

Old Lady: I'm sorry, but I never promised that the CPW Confessional would happen every Thursday. You should know by now that I could never commit to anything so regular. But we are always ready to hear your confessions over here, in the comments sections.

Jin, we're glad to have you back. I always look forward to more gratuitous food shots from you.

wonderturtle said...

As soon as the fall play is over, we are making PLANS!