Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Annoying Things My Sales Reps Do and Say to Me: Dean


Annoying Things My Sales Reps Do and Say to Me is a new CPW series wherein I will relate to my Gentle Readers some of the annoying things my sales reps do and say to me.


Our first installment features my esteemed colleague, Dean. Dean manages to aggravate me every single time I interact with him. Examples:



  • Tom, the next time a client asks you if they can buy just one part of the package rather than the whole package, just tell them "it's a better deal if you buy the whole package" rather than what you said (which was "yes, but it's a better deal if you buy the whole package.")

  • Tom, why don't you want to go to this account with me? I can see you have free time, because you just answered the phone now when I called.

  • Let's make it happen, Tom.

  • Tom, I realize you have to sell half a million this quarter and this account is only going to net you one thousand, but these small deals can be important too. Every little bit helps. This will be really good for you.

  • Tom, most everybody else is sharing their electronic calendar, so it would be a good idea for you to, too. (ed. note: Why is that, Dean? So you can critique my calendar and tell me whether or not I have enough free time to work with you?)

  • Tom, don't take this the wrong way, but you're kind of touchy.

Dean, I hate your fucking guts. You rarely reach me on the phone because I am now screening your calls. Please leave me alone.


Love,

CP


20 comments:

Beth said...

That bastard Dean talks a lot about synergy, doesn't he?

Coaster Punchman said...

Yes. It would be nice if he actually used he word, n'est-ce pas?

Tanya Espanya said...

Ugh, I hate him!

Does he also mention any thinking outside the box or at the end of the day nonsense?

Dino aka Katy said...

oh how annoying

Coaster Punchman said...

Tanya: YES!

Dino: THANK YOU! I know, I'm not crazy, right?

Jake's Mom said...

I getting the impression you HATE Dean. Can you tell him sit and spin? (and then explain that to me)

Coaster Punchman said...

That would be correct, dear sis. And I explained "sit & spin" in the entry above.

Old Lady said...

I HATE The Seven Minutes It takes to Form Irritating Habits that annoy HIghly Effective People people. I want to take those catch phrases and put right back where thay came from!

Coaster Punchman said...

Ha! Good one, Old Lady!

Plus, did you know that Stephen Covey is a Kristian?

Writeprocrastinator said...

Coaster: Dean, oh I got your package. Right, here, pal!

Coaster Punchman said...

Ha! I'd laugh more if I weren't grossed out. Dean resembles the Mayor of Munchkinland.

"jew" "girl" said...

let's make it happen? I fucking hate dean. let's rip his head off and skull fuck his eye sockets.

"jew" "girl" said...

ps: um, katie, note to self, with what penis do you plan on skull fucking dean?

duh, bff cp's.

Coaster Punchman said...

Ha! Wouldn't we rather skull fuck him while his head is still attached so that he can enjoy it a little first? I'm no self-centered lover!

Writeprocrastinator said...

"Ha! I'd laugh more if I weren't grossed out. Dean resembles the Mayor of Munchkinland."

Ha! Perfect! Next time he says "Tom, why don't you want to go to this account with me?" You tell Dean, "not until you sing 'The Lollypop Kids Theme Song!"

Coaster Punchman said...

Oh man, that is perfect. Between this and Mindy's suggestion that I openly refer to him as "Butt-Boy," I may have him taken care of.

Flannery Alden said...

Let's make it happen = You do it.

Oh, man I hate his fucking guts too.

Does he ever ask you to "kick it up a notch"?

Coaster Punchman said...

Thanks Flannery, I laughed out loud when I read that.

Flannery Alden said...

I'm glad you laughed; my boss uses this on us and it makes me want to kick her teeth up a notch.

Mombi said...

"Let's make it happen" is just an annoying way of saying, "Shut up and take it up the ass."

Not cool, Dean. Not cool.

Can I add, "It is what it is..." to the list?