Saturday, April 14, 2007

Pathetic Geek Story: Swing Choir



My Dork-Blogger story

I am submitting this post to Dork-Bloggers. Check out the site - it's fab.

I submitted this to Maria Schneider (of Pathetic Geek Stories) a number of years ago, but she never chose it for publication. Merely further evidence of my loserdom.

*************

Everyone hated me in junior high because they thought I was gay, among other things. Nonetheless, true to my status as a gay boy, I participated in the school's swing choir, a silly song & dance group.

None of the girls in the group wanted to be my dance partner. The first girl I was assigned to was Cindy, who threw a fit and threatened to quit the group if the director didn't let her change partners. The director gave in and reassigned me to Sheryl.

Sheryl hated me even more than Cindy, but her pleas to be reassigned were ignored, much to her dismay.

One day we were performing in front of a grade school audience, and there was an obviously retarded kid sitting in the front row. Once I caught sight of his face I cracked up involuntarily, and could not stop giggling throughout the performance. After the show I was crucified by my fellow choir members, and during the bus ride back to school the director berated me in front of the rest of the group.

Then in our last performance of the school year, we were doing one of our song & dance numbers when all of a sudden Sheryl switched places on me, putting herself in the "boy" position and me in the "girl" dance position. I looked at her, puzzled, and she said, very loudly, "that's where you belong!"

17 comments:

lulu said...

Ahhhh Junior High. I can trace pretty much all of my deep-seated neuroses to middle school.

Sheyrl is probably a drunken, depressed housewife now. And you're CP. Revenge is sweet.

Dale said...

I would still be the sort to laugh at the retarded kid. And that's what makes you CP and me, the guy who laughs at retarded kids.

Bubs said...

Everything Dale and Lulu said.

P2 said...

This blog entry is enough to turn anyone into a big flaming ......

The Freelance Cynic said...

Visit her house just once and count the number of cats. It will make you feel better....

jin said...

LMAO...at the post & the comments!

I remember one morning on a rainy day...walking down the corridor in Junior High...(jin was not nearly as graceful then as she is now)...I slipped, fell down & nearly died because so many people saw me.

Little did I know...

3 hours later I felt a draft & realized my skirt had ripped all the way up the back *dead center* to my belt. I was wearing white pantyhose.

Countless pimply faced teenagers saw my ass, laughed & said nothing...and people wonder why I'll never have children!

Dale said...

Because you disagree with children wearing white pantyhose Jin? Or you're scared they'll be graceless?

Tenacious S said...

All I'm going to say is First Place at the State Science Fair in 8th grade. Me and a bunch of bacteria.

GrizzBabe said...

What a snarky little bitch Sheryl was. Well you showed her. Now you're a Strategic Sales Executive and King of the Blogoshere. So there.

Dale said...

Because you're a geek, I have tagged you.

Molecular Turtle said...

That's such a sad story! I feel for you I was always the alpha geek.

Guanaco said...

When I was nine I saw a midget (oops, short person) for the first time and burst out laughing. He came up to me and slapped me, hard. I guess that's why I don't laugh at midgets anymore.

Dino aka Katy said...

sorry - I don't think anyone should have to go through a swing choir

Coaster Punchman said...

Me too Lu. At least half of them anyway. I don't know what became of Sheryl. What a bitch, though. I'm not even sure if I was ever that mean. (Probably was at times.)

I actually have a theory that the meanness shown to me in Jr high is just the karma coming back to me for having been mean to others when I was younger. Which I learned from my beloved brother Rich, of course.

Is that why we spend so much time laughing at each other, Dale?


Yes, Bubs.

Very funny, George. Is this Mad Libs?

Careful there Freelance, I'm a cat person - though I have a policy against more than two at any one time.

Terrifying story, Jin, and I see it as a perfectly acceptable reason not to procreate.

She's probably ok with those hose after Labor Day, Dale (note the lack of a "u")

Yes Ten S, but you were a WINNER!

Hi Grizzbabe, I think I'm even more depressed now.

Dale: done.

MT, is that better than being the Omega geek?

Yes Guanaco, but are you one of those people with a midget fetish? Great story, BTW.

Swing Choir itself was heaven for a gay boy, Dino. If only the other kids hadn't been there.

Beth said...

You weren't a geek. They were cruel bitches. Pete Royal, who was our not-out gay boy from first grade through high school, was adored by the girls. Everyone wanted to dance with Pete. He used to play the cymbals in band, which meant he got to bang them during the National Anthem at football games; everyone always stood and applauded him — every damn time.

Coaster Punchman said...

Wow, Pete Royal would have been chopped up and thrown out for shark food where I went to school. I'm happy for him.

Old Lady said...

But, then again, he may have been related to Billy Joe Royal!