I am submitting this post to Dork-Bloggers. Check out the site - it's fab.
I submitted this to Maria Schneider (of Pathetic Geek Stories) a number of years ago, but she never chose it for publication. Merely further evidence of my loserdom.
Everyone hated me in junior high because they thought I was gay, among other things. Nonetheless, true to my status as a gay boy, I participated in the school's swing choir, a silly song & dance group.
None of the girls in the group wanted to be my dance partner. The first girl I was assigned to was Cindy, who threw a fit and threatened to quit the group if the director didn't let her change partners. The director gave in and reassigned me to Sheryl.
Sheryl hated me even more than Cindy, but her pleas to be reassigned were ignored, much to her dismay.
One day we were performing in front of a grade school audience, and there was an obviously retarded kid sitting in the front row. Once I caught sight of his face I cracked up involuntarily, and could not stop giggling throughout the performance. After the show I was crucified by my fellow choir members, and during the bus ride back to school the director berated me in front of the rest of the group.
Then in our last performance of the school year, we were doing one of our song & dance numbers when all of a sudden Sheryl switched places on me, putting herself in the "boy" position and me in the "girl" dance position. I looked at her, puzzled, and she said, very loudly, "that's where you belong!"
I am Coaster Punchman and you have just entered my world. I rule it with an iron fist, so if you're looking for First Amendment protection, you will not find it here. I have a now deceased crazy Chinese mother-in-law, and sometimes I wear Crocs around the house. I don't like flip-flops or Mormons. I'm also a cyberstalker by trade -- so I could look up all sorts of random shit about you if I wanted, but I probably won't because I'm pretty lazy.