CP's Pretend Interviews with Bloggers: Lulu Part 2
We recently pretended to sit down with Lulu for another fake interview. We asked her about the early days of her friendship with CP, and how she's managed to put up with his bullshit for the past 23 years.
CP: So Lu, tell my readers about how we met.
Lulu: Why should I? You already described it quite well in your blog post except that I am still not convinced I was wearing sweat pants on that bus. What, do you think I'm some kind of slob or something?
CP: Depends. How many kinds of slobs are there?
Lulu: I'm the funny one here, CP.
CP: Right. So anyway, what made you decide you liked CP?
Lulu: Well, isn't that just the kind of self-centered ego-centric question we've come to expect from you? Here's why: I liked your eyebrows, and that you were knitting. You were also tall and wore a handsome green Woolrich coat. I was a label queen in those days, remember.
CP: How could I forget?
Lulu: Believe me, we all know you never forget anything. So anyway, I finished out that year at St. Olaf, and saw you on campus from time to time. One night you dropped by my room unexpectedly, and I was in my nightgown reading a stack of books. You told me I looked like one of the Monty Python characters with his pot-o-beans.
CP: How nice of me.
Lulu: Tell me about it, asshole. But you were quirky and kind of cute, so I didn't really mind it all that much.
CP: I know, that's what many of my clients tell me.
Lulu: So at the end of the year I took a leave of absence from St. Olaf, because 90% of the people there are stuck up assholes with whom I had little in common save my Scandinavian heritage.
CP: Present company included, surely.
Lulu: You said it, I didn't. I moved back in with my parents in Mt. Prospect, got a job and started saving money for my next college adventure.
CP: That's right, and you and I began a long-distance phone friendship that got quite intense, remember?
Lulu: Yes I do. I especially remember the time you hunted me down on the phone at my friend's house just to tell me you were having a crisis because you discovered some new pants you had bought contained polyester.
CP: Well can you blame me? That was an emergency in my book.
Lulu: You had bought them at Carson's in Chicago, a store that didn't exist in Minnesota at the time. You wanted to mail them to me so that I could return them for you. When I received the package, you had written across it, in large black letters, "WARNING: CONTAINS POLYESTER PANTS. CONTENTS HIGHLY FLAMMABLE." The postman thought I was nuts.
CP: Why would he think you were nuts? You didn't write it.
Lulu: I know, but the fact that I knew someone who would do that made me highly suspect.
CP: Oh well, it was funny right?
Lulu: Oh, hilarious. But not as hilarious as that time you decided to be a TOTAL asshole by actually MAILING me a.....
CP: Um Lu, sorry, our time is up for today. Let's talk about that in our next fake interview. Or not.
Stay tuned for more of CP's Pretend Interviews with Bloggers.
I am Coaster Punchman and you have just entered my world. I rule it with an iron fist, so if you're looking for First Amendment protection, you will not find it here. I have a now deceased crazy Chinese mother-in-law, and sometimes I wear Crocs around the house. I don't like flip-flops or Mormons. I'm also a cyberstalker by trade -- so I could look up all sorts of random shit about you if I wanted, but I probably won't because I'm pretty lazy.