Wednesday, April 25, 2007

CP's Pretend Interviews with Bloggers: Lulu Part 2


We recently pretended to sit down with Lulu for another fake interview. We asked her about the early days of her friendship with CP, and how she's managed to put up with his bullshit for the past 23 years.

CP: So Lu, tell my readers about how we met.

Lulu: Why should I? You already described it quite well in your blog post except that I am still not convinced I was wearing sweat pants on that bus. What, do you think I'm some kind of slob or something?

CP: Depends. How many kinds of slobs are there?

Lulu: I'm the funny one here, CP.

CP: Right. So anyway, what made you decide you liked CP?

Lulu: Well, isn't that just the kind of self-centered ego-centric question we've come to expect from you? Here's why: I liked your eyebrows, and that you were knitting. You were also tall and wore a handsome green Woolrich coat. I was a label queen in those days, remember.

CP: How could I forget?

Lulu: Believe me, we all know you never forget anything. So anyway, I finished out that year at St. Olaf, and saw you on campus from time to time. One night you dropped by my room unexpectedly, and I was in my nightgown reading a stack of books. You told me I looked like one of the Monty Python characters with his pot-o-beans.

CP: How nice of me.

Lulu: Tell me about it, asshole. But you were quirky and kind of cute, so I didn't really mind it all that much.

CP: I know, that's what many of my clients tell me.

Lulu: So at the end of the year I took a leave of absence from St. Olaf, because 90% of the people there are stuck up assholes with whom I had little in common save my Scandinavian heritage.

CP: Present company included, surely.

Lulu: You said it, I didn't. I moved back in with my parents in Mt. Prospect, got a job and started saving money for my next college adventure.

CP: That's right, and you and I began a long-distance phone friendship that got quite intense, remember?

Lulu: Yes I do. I especially remember the time you hunted me down on the phone at my friend's house just to tell me you were having a crisis because you discovered some new pants you had bought contained polyester.

CP: Well can you blame me? That was an emergency in my book.

Lulu: You had bought them at Carson's in Chicago, a store that didn't exist in Minnesota at the time. You wanted to mail them to me so that I could return them for you. When I received the package, you had written across it, in large black letters, "WARNING: CONTAINS POLYESTER PANTS. CONTENTS HIGHLY FLAMMABLE." The postman thought I was nuts.

CP: Why would he think you were nuts? You didn't write it.

Lulu: I know, but the fact that I knew someone who would do that made me highly suspect.

CP: Oh well, it was funny right?

Lulu: Oh, hilarious. But not as hilarious as that time you decided to be a TOTAL asshole by actually MAILING me a.....

CP: Um Lu, sorry, our time is up for today. Let's talk about that in our next fake interview. Or not.


Stay tuned for more of CP's Pretend Interviews with Bloggers.

18 comments:

Flannery Alden said...

These interviews are hilarious. Definately inspired.

haahnster said...

I'm still smarting over not making the Top 38.

Dino aka Katy said...

the package thing probably wouldn't go over well these days - I think they'd blow it up just to be safe.

lulu said...

How come you get all the good lines?

The Freelance Cynic said...

Nominated you for a thinking blogger award.

Bubs said...

I think you're on to something CP. Pretend is cool.

Chris said...

You are welcome to have a pretend interview with me anytime, CP. Feel free to pretend that I'm someone else, too.

Jake's Mom said...

You are very entertaining. And your photo lulu is exquisite.

Dale said...

I'm glad you lost the sweats Lulu, you're much hotter and funnier now!

Tumuli said...

Please tell me the next installment is coming soon!

Coaster Punchman said...

Thanks Flannery. I'm often inspired to purge after reading my own blog.

Haahnster, you're lucky to be alive after writing that bit about Mary Tyler Moore sucking. But we'll link you up anyway.

Dino, I often think the same thing myself. We got away with a lot of shit in our day.

What do you mean, Lu? You got to say "asshole" more than once.

Coaster Punchman said...

Thanks Freelance! I can't wait to start thinking.

Pretend is so where it's at, Bubs. Thanks.

Don't say you weren't warned, Chris.

I know, Lu is quite the hussy. We like that here.

She was funny with the sweats too, Dale.

Working on it, Tumuli. Careful, you might be interviewed.

Beth said...

BRAVO! Where is the Pulitzer committee when you need them?

BTW, I'm so glad Lulu was available — even if she was selfishly at a friend's — to help you through that horrid polyester episode.

Grant Miller said...

Polyester pants? What got into you?

wonderturtle said...

Fantastic.

Old Lady said...

Lulu is hot! Being married to a Scandinavian from Minnesota I can understand why all of y'all moved away! Beautiful state.

"jew" "girl" said...

I love these interviews. they are so hysterical!

Chaylene said...

Friends don't let friends wear polyester...or sweat pants for that matter.