Help Wanted: Duane Reade/Rite-Aid/Walgreens Counter Clerk
National drugstore chain seeks surly, mildly retarded professional for full-time counter work. Successful applicant will possess no discernable customer service or problem solving skills, yet will have demonstrated ability to ignore long line of customers while taking personal phone calls. Experience with providing churlish responses to customer inquiries is a plus, and applicants with prison or reform school records are strongly encouraged to apply.
I am Coaster Punchman and you have just entered my world. I rule it with an iron fist, so if you're looking for First Amendment protection, you will not find it here. I have a now deceased crazy Chinese mother-in-law, and sometimes I wear Crocs around the house. I don't like flip-flops or Mormons. I'm also a cyberstalker by trade -- so I could look up all sorts of random shit about you if I wanted, but I probably won't because I'm pretty lazy.