Thursday, July 13, 2006

CPW Confessional Vol. 4: Duh?


One of the worst things ever to happen to Grant Miller was when he had to sing some Christmas carols in front of a church congregation, and he didn't know the words.

His story reminded me of my first encounter with the stage. It did not go well.

I was four. One day my dad mentioned something about a big concert at our church to celebrate Easter, and that I would be singing. I had no idea what he was talking about.

Next thing I know, he and I are in the car, headed over to church. He brought me into a classroom where there were all these kids. I had no idea what was going on. None. I don't even know if I'd ever seen any of these kids before.

Pretty soon I'm lined up with these strangers, headed out onto a stage where some lady was sitting behind a piano. She started playing and everyone around me started singing. I had NO idea what they were doing. Plus, I always hated it when people did that - there was just something embarrassing about people singing songs. I didn't like it.

So with the combination of my being forced onto a stage against my will, the confusion, and people singing, I did the only logical thing: I started to cry. Right onstage.

I was escorted off, and pretty soon was sitting happily in the audience with my parents, who seemed quite annoyed with me.

To this day I wonder if I had been to rehearsals for this concert but just didn't understand what the deal was, or if the surprise concert was just another one of my dad's little tricks that he likes to play. I highly suspect it was the latter. He is always pulling shit like that on us.

Nonetheless, there are days when I feel I am back on that stage. In fact, I spend approximately half of my waking hours thinking "I have NO idea what I'm doing here. WTF?" Sometimes, I even start to cry.

11 comments:

Poor George said...

Poor George

Melinda June said...

At least you didn't wet your pants. I did that onstage at about 4.

lulu said...

I'm sure that this won't come as a big surprise, but I love love love the stage. When I was 4 and in ballet I ran back on stage to take extra bows.

Part of the reason I became a teacher was so that I could have a captive audience for the lulu show. 5 shows a day, 5 days a week, remember to tip your waitress.

Echo said...

Lulu, do they ever call you back for an encore? Do they wave lighters? Worse: Do they ever yell FREEBIRD at you while you teach?

lulu said...

I did take away a few lighters this year, but I think it was less that they were showing their approval than that they were trying to set fire to their textbooks.

Coaster Punchman said...

MJ, I'm surprised. You've always been much more advanced than I, socially and otherwise.

Grant Miller said...

That is some fucked up shit.

Jacob's Mom said...

Where was I?

Coaster Punchman said...

Probably off at college, sis.

jin said...

The comment section is starting to become as interesting as the post!

I only cry when I run out of chocolate.....

Katy said...

I would have done the same, but then my mother would have never put me in that situation knowing how much I dislike being on stage, having my picture taken or any thing of that sort.