Wednesday, July 26, 2006

CPW Confessional: Crazy mean guy


One time when I was very young this crazy guy told me he hated black people and women. I thought it really mean of him. But still, I used to sit and think "I wonder who he hates more: a black man or a white woman?"

Then I used to make little charts (in my head) of people in the order of how much the crazy guy hated them. It would look something like this:


1. White man: CG thinks this is very, very good.

2. or 3. White woman: CG thinks this is bad.

2. or 3. Black man: CG thinks this is bad too. But is it better or worse than a white woman?

4. Black woman: CG thinks this is very, very bad.


It seemed like such a toss-up between numbers 2 and 3 that I just didn't know what to do with the question.

This is how I spent my childhood.

13 comments:

Dale said...

Did all of your charts look like lists? A. You had a confused childhood.
2. Definitely 2. or 3.

jin said...

On second thought,
you can't be my dead grandmother.
You're too weird....um.....er....I meant to say 'unique', yeah, that's it, unique!
;-)

Coaster Punchman said...

Dale & Jin: yes.

Dale said...

Maybe you shouldn't have spent it all in one place? Like in your head?

Coaster Punchman said...

We could write a whole book on that one.

Tenacious S said...

Even books would have been a safer bet...

Dale said...

So? Write a book. I want mine signed with a warm personal message.

Coaster Punchman said...

I will get working on that. I have enough sick family stories to give nightmares to an entire generation of kids. Dale, your copy will be the first I sign. I may even cite you in the acknowledgements.

Dale said...

Can't wait, I'll write one too and do the same for you. I'm always complaining about Augusten Burroughs and his ilk getting all the credit for screwy childhoods.

Poor george said...

THAT's just the childhood stuff, you should see what the CP can come up with now that he is a full fledged adult!...

Experiment #108:

A)Graham cracker
B)Special Dark chocolate
C) Jelly
D) Legal briefs

Put these in order of significance, jumble them as much as you could, memorize the answer and don't ever tell anyone.

Dale said...

Oh George, I feel bad already and I've only just begun to scramble them.

Molecular Turtle said...

Sounds like a multiple choice test from hell. Add some mathimatical equations in there and you'd be one screwed up child ;)

Melinda June said...

Let me guess...crazy guy was actually your uncle in California?